Get Off My Lawn!

Garden 2013

/ Shane / 1 Comment

This year we decided to simplify our garden and mostly just focus on tomatoes. No beans, no peppers, no eggplant. Just lots and lots of tomatoes.

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However, we did put in two basil plants, and we had planted carrots and kale from seeds before we made this decision. Those seem to be going surprisingly well. I don’t think we’ve ever had so many carrots come up! Last year we had maybe 3 or 4 kale plants and they provided an amazingly endless amount of kale. This year we had about 10 plants come up! So we might be swimming in the stuff.

And of course, lets not forget the strawberries!

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Okay, so maybe it’s a little more diversified than I realized.

I’m actually kind of excited about all the tomatoes. They seem to be the most versatile and consistently useful thing we grow. I really don’t think we could ever have too many tomatoes. Some things seem to be about the same from the garden or the store, but that is not the case for tomatoes; they are night and day better from the garden. Worst case scenario we just can lots of extra tomato sauce and salsa.

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It looks like one of the tomatoes didn’t survive the planting, and one of the ones from the food swap is a teeny tiny baby, so I’m not sure it’s going to make it either. But it’s still early enough that we could probably sneak in a few replacements if we had to.

Here’s to another year of delicious fresh produce!

Don’t hog the gas pump!

/ Shane / 4 Comments

When driving in the car, the goal is to minimize the impact of any stops. Usually this means charting the quickest route to obtain one or more of the following:

  1. Gas
  2. Bathroom
  3. Coffee

On this particular trip, we needed all three. There was a gas station just off the road at the next exit, so we decided to grab that while we could. The plan was Sara and Ollie would use the bathroom while I pumped gas and then we’d find a place for Sara to get us coffee, where Evie and I would use the bathroom.

The best laid plans of mice and men.

5 out of 6 pumps at the gas station were full, and the 6th was broken. I circled around for a little while before parking off to the side waiting for one of the pumps to open up. Waited, and waited, and waited. Nobody seemed to be moving, or pumping gas for that matter. Just as I was starting to get annoyed, Sara and Oliver came back from the bathroom.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“The line is six deep for the woman’s bathroom,” replied Sara.

We sat and waited for a bit, but still no pumps were opening, and all the while the clock was ticking.

“Everybody’s waiting for someone in the bathroom,” said Sara.

“Why don’t they pull away from the pumps? Can’t they wait off to the side?”

“I don’t know.”

One of the cars was parked about 3 feet in front of the pump; not close enough to actually pump gas, but too close for me to get my car up there. He was just sitting there, his car running.

“Go ask that guy to pull forward a little bit,” I said.

Sara walked over to the car, Ollie in tow.

“Excuse me sir, can you pull forward a little bit?” asked Sara.

“Of course I can ma’am,” he said politely. He was like 100 years old.

Just at that minute another man comes running out of the gas station. “What are you doing, Dad? Don’t let them take your pump!” He shot Sara a dirty look. “I was just inside paying for gas on that pump!”

“Oh, sorry!” said Sara. “I didn’t know you were using it.”

From where I was sitting in the car I could see the man muttering to himself about what an idiot Sara was and giving her dirty looks. Now look, they weren’t even parked at the pump. How was Sara supposed to know what was going on? Did Sara, holding the hand of a 3 year old, really look like she was trying to steal the pump from this old guy? And if the old guy driving is not competent enough to say, “Actually, my son’s inside paying for this pump right now,” then is he really competent enough to be driving?

And STILL nobody had left a pump.

“My wife’s just inside going to the bathroom,” said the man at the next pump.

“There’s about 6 people waiting in line for the bathroom,” replied Sara.

“Eh,” shrugged the man, continuing to just stand there gazing off at the station.

Sara walked helplessly back and forth until FINALLY someone got the message and pulled over to the side so we could get to the pump. Then Sara pumped the gas so I could take Ollie in to the no-wait men’s room.

What’s the deal? Why not pull off to the side when you’re done pumping gas?

Of course I’ve sat at the pump while I ran inside. Honestly, most of the time I don’t. On the other hand, there are usually 15 open pumps. If I were occupying a pump when a gas station was that full, I would have so much anxiety about it that I just couldn’t stand it. I physically would not be able to force myself to be still. I would be checking my watch, twitching in my seat, checking the door for Sara, checking my watch again, pretending to get more gas, whatever I could do to pretend there was some reason I couldn’t move my car. These people? Cool as cucumbers, absolutely guilt and anxiety free. Who did I think I was, that I couldn’t wait for them? How dare I expect them to move a muscle, just because I wanted gas? They paid for that gas, they own that pump for as long as they want to use it.

Isn’t there anybody left in the world who cares even the slightest amount about anybody else besides themselves?

Opening the Haven

/ Shane / 4 Comments

Over the weekend we officially made our first trip up to the Haven this year. As usual, it was great to be up there, and we actually covered a pretty good percentage of the property just wandering around before settling in for some good old fashioned playing in the sand. We didn’t see any animals this time, but we saw lots and lots of evidence; mostly poop (fur-filled or otherwise), and lots of very clear tracks. We saw some deer tracks, something that was either a giant turkey or a velociraptor, and some sort of clawed monster, possibly a werewolf.

I certainly was happy we went up there. However, there were actually quite a few problems (in addition to the velociraptor/werewolf infestation).

The main thing was that a significant amount of the property was under water. I know that we’ve received a lot of rain lately, and it’s not crazy to think this was the five year (or more) high water mark. Still, it’s somewhat of a bummer to think of dealing with all that water hanging around on your property. We saw evidence that water stands in some of the sandy areas, but we never really saw that at all last year. Is that more typical, or was that because last year was especially dry, and this is actually the normal case?

Most disappointing of all was that all of the raspberries we planted last year were totally underwater. We’re talking a mini-pond, at least a foot deep. The water had obviously been there for quite some time and didn’t seem to be going anywhere soon. We shall see, but I think it’s likely that none of them will survive. Not only will we lose all of our raspberries, but we also lost our “excellent garden spot” since there’s no way we can plant anything else there now.

On the other hand, we did get a little justification as far as building sites go. The area we had tentatively selected as a potential build site was basically the only possible spot that was not underwater. So it looks like we chose correctly, and I think we can officially declare that to be the Official Location now. So that does feel pretty good.

I don’t remember any tremendous storms coming through recently, but there were several major trees down. I’m talking enormous old pines, like house-crushing size. It seems to me it must have been some storm to take them out. Obviously something out of the ordinary, since we haven’t seen hardly any other trees down. I guess the silver lining is that we have plenty of trees to chop for firewood now.

Actually though, I’m not sure we’ll get to them! Between needing to clear out some higher ground for a new garden location, knowing where we need to start clearing out for potential future cabin building, and wanting to get started on clearing for a driveway, we have lots and lots (and lots!) of trees to chop down this year. Right now it seems like almost an infinite amount. We’ve got our work cut out for us (unfortunately, not literally…we have to do all the cutting).

Most unsettling of all was that someone has set up an *extremely* permanent looking tree stand that is clearly on our property. This is a fully built platform, with a permanent ladder attached, everything shiny and new. I have heard story after story about people who have fights with neighbors over tree stands, and I was really hoping to avoid this. This thing is big, heavy, and bolted in, so I can’t exactly just climb up and take it down. On one hand, it’s not too far from the property line and I don’t really mind right now if people are hunting there AS LONG AS THEY HAVE PERMISSION. That’s why we specifically chose no trespassing signs that said hunting was only allowed with permission, to indicate that we are open to it. Now I feel like this is some sort of test, to see if we would notice or complain, and if we don’t, then we’re push overs and everything is fair game. I hope that I’m wrong about that, but in the meantime, I’m not sure what to do. Of course, all of this is compounded by the fact that most of our no trespassing signs are down, but I believe there were several still up close to the new tree stand.

Still deciding what to do about that one. I would like to minimize the stress in my life. Which potential path will ultimately lead to less stress?

Happiness Inflation

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Inflation is a term that is usually applied to economics. Merriam-Webster defines inflation as, “a continuing rise in the general price level usually attributed to an increase in the volume of money and credit relative to available goods and services”. In short, inflation refers to the fact that, over time, you need more money to buy the same thing. These days, we pay $5 instead of $0.90 for the same gallon of gas.

However, it seems like more and more I’m seeing a different type of inflation. Let’s call it “happiness inflation”: it takes more “things” to buy the same level of happiness.

Yeah, yeah, so what’s new? Who doesn’t know that?

I know. It’s obvious, right? But like regular, economic inflation, you don’t really think about it all that often, because there’s nothing you can really do about it. Everybody knows gas costs more these days. We don’t dwell on it. We can’t bring down the price of gas, and it’s just a part of life, so on we go.

The important thing to remember is that paying $5 for gas doesn’t mean we are getting more gas. The same goes for happiness inflation; even though we are getting more things, we are still the same amount of happy.

I probably wouldn’t notice happiness inflation either, except for being a parent. It takes on a lot of different aspects when it comes to kids.

There’s present inflation. When we were younger we got a certain number of presents, and we were happy. Now, kids get 10 times that number of presents, and they are about the same amount of happy. It’s not one outfit, it’s 3 outfits. It’s not one playset, it’s the whole line. We feel embarrassed if we only got one book, or only spent $20, or if our present doesn’t have a built in computer chip.

In fact, as a parent you see a lot of birthday inflation in general. Think about birthday parties when you were a kid. Your aunts and uncles and cousins came over and maybe you had a cake. That’s it. But it was exciting, and you looked forward to it. You were happy. Now there are themes, and gift bags, and entertainers, and catering. It takes that much more for a 3 year old to be the same level of happy.

There’s candy inflation: getting 5 pieces of candy thrown to you at a parade isn’t sufficient. You have to have 500 pieces. Or a handful from each house at Halloween instead of one piece, or a full sized candy bar. You can’t have an ice cream cone in the summer as a nice treat, you have to have an ice cream cone every day, with a slice of pie on the side. But wait, you can’t just get an ice cream cone, it has to be dyed some kind of “fun” color, because, you know, ice cream cones just weren’t fun enough by themselves.

Just like economic inflation, it is impossible to fight. If I go to the gas station and say, “I only want $0.90 of gas,” I don’t get a gallon. Similarly, if I throw a birthday party and don’t give out gift bags, I don’t get the same level of happiness that we used to get before people gave out gift bags. Now I have to give the gift bags if I want to obtain a gallon of happiness.

The thing is, each person only sees what they are giving, but only the parents can see the big picture. Other people can’t see how out of control and over the top it is. They want to see a kid’s eyes light up when they hand them some jelly beans on Easter, not realizing that 5 other people gave them a handful already. Each person gives as many gifts or sweets or outfits individually as their own kids got total from everyone when they were little.

People just can’t seem to help themselves.

We’re not immune to this as parents. We want to make our kids as happy as anyone else does, probably more so. But I feel so trapped by the whole thing. Either we go along with it and contribute to the overall rise in inflation, or we deprive ourselves of the joy of making our kids happy, turning ourselves into “mean parents” who never give our kids anything. Just bow out and let everybody else get the satisfaction of seeing their faces light up. Because inflation is everywhere, and there’s so much on all sides, the only way to average it out is to never give anything.

Maybe it’s not the kids who are suffering from inflation, maybe it’s the adults. Maybe our tolerance for making a kid’s face light up has gone up over time. We need more and more “hits” to reach the same level of satisfaction, so we selfishly press that button as often as we can.

I can’t fight inflation. The only way to stem the tide is if everyone, everywhere, all at the same time, tackles the problem. Frankly, that’s not going to happen. All I can say is, look at the obese kids and the debt problems and the selfishness of the world and think about how you personally are contributing to it.

Maybe if we all did that a little more often, we could experience a little bit of “happiness deflation”. Trust me, it’s better than it sounds.

Things That Annoy Me

/ Shane / 1 Comment
  • There is a couple of Dr. Pepper billboards that I see on my way to work. Basically, they show the torso of a man wearing a generic Dr. Pepper-colored tee-shirt and holding a can of Dr. Pepper. Over the tee-shirt they wrote (in a completely different font), “I’m a Bears fan” and then put a little Bears logo in the corner. Who do you think you’re fooling? Aside from the fact that Dr. Pepper thinks I’m dumb enough to go, “Oh, they say they’re connected to the sports team I like, I guess I’ll start buying that now!” the very nature of the generic, slap-dash, non-specific billboard only serves to highlight the fact that Dr. Pepper is a ruthless, bloodsucking corporation who cares not a whit about me and my fan loyalties. This is practically the photo negative of the feeling they’re trying to engender. At least spend the time, jeez.
  • Honking. No joke, someone honks at me every single day driving around Chicago. Usually it’s when I’m waiting to turn on green and someone behind me honks to encourage me to go. I cannot stress how rude this is. Usually when they honk I can’t actually go. It’s one thing if I’m not paying attention or something and you draw my attention to the road. But if I’m obviously paying attention (I’m creeping my car forward), then you are saying, “I know you don’t want to go, but I’m smarter than you and I know better than you do.” For example, the other day there was a long line of people who got off the train crossing the street, and someone several cars back started honking. From where they were, they probably couldn’t see the people crossing the street, so they didn’t know that if I went I’d be plowing through a solid wall of bodies. And that is precisely my point: from four cars back you have no idea what is going on up by me and why I’m not going. So now you’re actually enticing me to commit a crime, possibly murder. Let’s all settle down a little bit, shall we?
  • Speaking of honking, I can’t stand people honking to get someone to come out to the car. In this day and age, when everybody has a cell phone, there’s really just no excuse for this. The 50 condos worth of people on our street would appreciate it if you would give your party a call and keep it between the two of you, instead of including us. And if they don’t come out after the 10th honk, your honks are obviously not hurrying them. I think we can say pretty conclusively that they know you’re out there. (I certainly know you’re out there, and I’m not even expecting you.) Maybe, just maybe, they’ve got something going on that’s more important than you. You’re going to feel pretty dumb when you find out they were lying there dying, but you couldn’t bother to get out of your car. Or maybe your honking is causing them to go slower just to spite you. That’s what I’d do if I knew anybody rude enough to do this to me.
  • The weather report. I used to never check the weather, but now that I check it every day, I know less about the weather. Seriously, I gain more information by just peeking out the window. The official report always puts at least 10% chance of rain, just to hedge their bets. 100% chance of rain? How can you ever be 100% sure of anything, especially given your record weather reporting website? Well, guess what? IT DIDN’T RAIN. So thanks for nothing.
  • Those super loud “vortex” hand dryers. Yeah, maybe my hands might be one molecule more dry than with the old fashioned hand dryers, but guess what? I value my hearing more than semi-dry hands.