From the Mouths of Babes

Food Paranoid

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Me: “His name is Jack”
Evie: “Why?”
Me: “I don’t know, why is your name Evie?”
Evie: “You’d have to ask yourself that.”

Don’t you hate when they come back with the stuff you’ve told them before?

::hearing a squealing noise::
“That sure sounds like mommy’s brakes!”

Evie was very grumpy after waking up from her nap. Sara was walking and stubbed her toe.
Evie: “I’m not going to kiss it EVER!”

Evie continues to be suspicious about us eating behind her back (for good reason). The other day we were eating cookies with her in the car, and we told her she could have two cookies.
Evie: “Tomorrow I will have two more cookies.”
Sara: “I don’t know if there will be any left.”
Evie, suspiciously: “Let me see the container!”
We’re not sure if she was checking to see if we had eaten more than our share of two each (we had) or if she was making a mental note of the number of cookies so she could check in the morning. Either way, that girl is food paranoid!

A little light reading

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Usually, when a 2 year old says, “Where’s my clown book?” she is not refering to It by Stephen King. Not so at our house. Evie likes to go for the thrillers:

See, I have a LOT of Stephen King books, particularly hardcovers. These are very heavy. So, on one of our book shelves, we put all the Stephen King books on the bottom shelf, so they don’t bend the actual shelf. These books are right at Evie’s height, and she has claimed them as hers. (Yes, I realize Helter Skelter isn’t by Stephen King, she stole that one from my nightstand) (Yes, Helter Skelter was on my nightstand)

I think all of this exposure to horror novels has rubbed off on her. Frequently she will take one of these books and “read” it to us by making up a story. Despite having never actually heard a scary story, she reads these stories in the most dramatic tone she can manage, kind of like a cheap radio drama. However, there is never any payoff, just suspense. For example, “And THEN! She looked into Pa’s sharp eyes…and they went around the corner…and Ma said, “I am so surprised!”…so she climbed a tree….and there was a WOLF in the tree!…so they decided to go in for supper…” Etc. etc.

In regards to reading in general, Evie has taken to narrating her life like a book. For example, when she realized I had put her into bed but not covered her up, she exclaimed, “Then, a minute later, I realized something!” and got under the covers. Another example is sort of talking through her actions before she does them, such as saying to a little kid on the playground, “well, I always like to introduce myself, so…” and then introducing herself to that person.

She also uses this when she needs a scene change. For example, the other night we were playing school in the bath:
Me: “What comes after eleven?”
Evie: “Ten”
Me: “No, but what comes after eleven?”
Evie: “Ten!”
Me: “Okay, then what comes after ten?”
Evie: “…”
Evie, grabbing a boat: “And then suddenly a boat floated by!”

I love all the exposure she has to books. There is something so adorable about a little kid who uses words and grammar more correctly than I do!

Too smart for her own good

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Sara, holding up both index fingers: “What is one plus one?”
Evie: “Eleven.”
Sara: “Uh, I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Me: “Sometimes in the hotel it is so boring I can’t fall asleep.”
Sara: “Is there an exercise room? You could work out.”
Me: “I don’t like your ideas.”
Evie: “You’re mischief, mommy!”

Me: “Are you going to miss me when I’m on my trip?”
Evie: “No.”
Me: “You’re not??”
Evie: “Well, we still have pictures of you…”

Evie: “That’s a lot of milk, mama!”
Sara: “Do you think I can drink it all?”
Evie: “Yeah, you have a big mouth.”

So, we were playing doctor, and Evie said she had two burned feet. I put some cream on and told her to come back in a week. When she came back she said, “That cream didn’t work because it’s called Sour Bit. I bought this cream at the store, it’s called Messy McCream.” Later she said, “What are some of your creams’ names?” but I drew a blank. Some doctor I turned out to be.

Quote Monday

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Evie, calling Florence on her nail clippers: “Florence wasn’t there, so I left her a message. Her message is, ‘After the tone.'”
(She likes to use this big pair of nail clippers like a phone because it flips open like a flip phone)

“When Oliver’s bigger he might have autism or not. ‘Cause you know why? We got a book from autism from the library.”

::Sara comes into the room::
Evie: “I don’t think I did something naughty.”
Eventually, Evie took Sara to where she had hidden her credit card in an Elmo container, behind her chair.

Me: “I saw a boy with his soccer outfit at the farmer’s market.”
Evie: “Perhax they came right from soccer.”

Happy Memorial Day!

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In celebration, I’m giving you the gift of quotes:

Evie: “I’m making pancakes! Just teasing, that’s just a phrase. It means I’m making sausage.”

Evie: “Those trees were funny.”
Me: “Why were they funny?”
Evie: “One was touching a car, one looked different than all the rest, one was blowing in the wind, and one was by itself, all alone.”

Maybe we have a future poet?

Evie, handing me the fan remote:  “This doesn’t work.”
Me, suspiciously: “What do you expect that it does?”
Evie: “Well, my other one works as a phone.”

The other day, Evie set a Kohls’ charge card on top of a book, which she insists is a note that says, “Dear Santa, I think you know what to do with this.”