From the Mouths of Babes

Quote Monday has jock itch

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Florence: “Oliver, here’s your jacket. Can you say ‘jacket’?”
Oliver: “Coat.”

::A small black and white chihuahua passes us on the street::
Oliver: “Moo! Moo!”

Evie: “What was that?”
Sara: “Medicine.”
Evie: “Jock itch?”
Oliver: “Jock itch! Jock itch!”
Sara: “I’m so glad my kids both know what jock itch is…”

Me: “Oliver, do you want to wash your hands for dinner?”
Oliver: “No! No! No!”
Me: “Let me re-phrase, who wants to wash their hands for dinner?”
Oliver: “MEEEEEE!!”

This works practically every time. He likes to say “No!”, but he also likes to say, “Meeee!” I have even caught Evie using this trick on him as well.

Quote Monday celebrates Thanksgiving

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evie: “Since it is the day before Thanksgiving, I’m sure the spiders are making a plan.” – This is why it was safe to go in the basement on Wednesday

Me: “I figure we have to finish the liquor cabinet before Evie is a teenager.”
Ron: “Well, why are we drinking tea??”

::Oliver getting tickled by Grandpa S::
Sara: “I’ll tell you where all his ticklish spots are!”
::Oliver jumps down and runs out of the room full speed::

I guess he understands more than he lets on.

Evie (courtesy some Halloween Laffy Taffy): “What can you throw, but you can’t catch?”
Sara: “A party.” (We’ve heard this one a few times before)
Evie: “No, a football. I can not catch a football.”

Quote Monday’s no cheater

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evie: “I want to put this where it’s supposed to go.”
Me: “In the dirty laundry basket?”
Evie: “No, in the hamster.”
Me: “…”
Evie: “The hamster. For dirty laundry.”

::Me starting the car::
Evie: “Daddy, you didn’t buckle up your other arm!”

I had to explain that adult seat belts were a little different than kid seat belts.

Me: “Sounds like we need to pack a little more in your lunch.”
Evie: “I was NOT hungry!”
Me: “Well, if you weren’t hungry, why did you eat so many chips and raisins at school today?”
Evie: “Because I wasn’t going to be there tomorrow!”

Evie: “Daddy, let’s play Candy Land. I’ve already got the cards all dealt out.”
Me: “Okay.”
Evie: “I didn’t cheat or anything.”
Me: “I didn’t say you did.”
Evie: “Well…I’m just telling you that every, every, every other time I did.”

Quote Monday makes girls cry

/ Shane / 2 Comments

::Evie was interested in Italian, so Sara and I were teaching her all of the Italian words we could think of::
Me: “What do you think ‘scusi’ means?”
Evie: “I don’t know, what?”
Me: “It means ‘Excuse me’.”
Evie: “Like when you toot, or when you’re passing by somebody?”

I’m not sure Italian is that nuanced.

::Evie with her Halloween candy::
Evie: “Daddy, I just ate a zero!”
Me: “Zero what?”
Sara: “Nutrients.”

(For the record, she meant a life saver)

Evie: “Uncle Ben, you’re my only uncle with hair!” – Take that Uncle Nathan!

Me: “Well, if that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll put away the magic tricks. My magic is not supposed to make girls cry.”
Sara: “Your magic IS to make girls cry.”

Quote Monday is poor (but not how you think)

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Evie: “Why can’t we go [to the museum] today, and then go again when mama can go?”
Me: “Well, we are only allowed to see the exhibit one time.”
Evie: “Well…maybe we could all wear disguises!”

::Oliver takes a bite of sriracha::
::Oliver’s mouth falls open and a moan escapes. The top of his head comes off and steam starts shooting out of his ears. He claws at his tongue, trying to remove it from his mouth.::
Oliver, when he finally recovers:  “More spicy!!”

Sara, to me: “Assuming your inner dialog matches your outer dialog, I would assume there was a lot of dialog.”

Evie: “Mother Earth must be poor.”
Me: “Why do you say that?”
Evie: “Because she has trash all over her.”
Me: “And that makes her poor?”
Evie: “Yup. Poor Mother Earth.”