Ollie: “A car is passing us on the right.”
Me: “No, that’s on the left.”
Ollie: “No, because you read right to left.”
Me: “No, you read left to right.”
Ollie: “I’ve been doing it wrong.”

::Me, hiding under the covers::
Me: “How’d you find me?”
Evelyn: “Well, I saw something sticking out, but I didn’t know if it was your bald head or your bare butt.”

Evelyn: “…and she was singing Christmas songs. Wait, what was she singing? Sweet Child O’ Mine?”

You know you’ve raised your child right when they think Christmas carols were written by Guns N’ Roses.

::We saw two ducks swimming in the lake::
Ollie: “Evelyn is like that duck, and I’m like this one.”
Me: “Why’s that?”
Ollie: “Because this one just has to follow wherever that one wants to go.”

Me: “…It’s like when you were in Heidi and everyone in the whole family learned all of the songs.”
Evelyn: “Well, not Alex.”
Me: ::sigh:: “There is nothing you and your brother love more than starting an argument over some particular word choice.”
Evelyn: “Which brother?”

Sara: “The thing about Alex is, I don’t think he looks how you looked as a baby, I think he looks how you look now.”

Evelyn: “I googled myself and the first picture was some strange man.”

Naturally, I had to google it, and naturally I instantly recognized the strange man. He does have an interesting connection to Halbachs….

Ollie, in his sleep: “I like chess!!”

Fortunately (unfortunately?), he means the game, not the musical.

Evie: “Did you guys keep turning around to look at me?”
Me: “Yes.”
Evie: “Oh, okay. You were really far away and I could see a peach circle, but I didn’t know if it was your face or your bald spot.”

Sara: “Hold this spoon for one second.”
Me: “I am really resisting the urge to say, “one” and then drop it.”
Sara: “I totally thought you would do that!!”

The YMCA sent Ollie a postcard for this birthday which entitled him to a free shirt with the slogan “Be Better”.
Ollie: “But…how did they know I was bad yesterday?”

Evie: “Ollie keeps kicking me!”
Ollie: “I only kicked her on purpose one time!”

Evie: “Mama I was reading a book about children’s rights…”
Sara: “Oh boy.”
Evie. “It was very interesting.”

Evie, in her new swimsuit: “I feel so beautiful. Like a mom.”
Me: “The most beautiful thing there is.”
Sara: “You can tell *she* doesn’t watch tv…”

Ollie, to Alex: “Hello big bro.”
Sara: “No, he’ll never be a big bro.”
Ollie, whispering: “Mama! You have to make him feel good!”

Ollie: “Mama, your clothes look beautiful. They look pretty when they’re in the closet, but when they’re on your body they look beautiful.”