Doctor of Philosophy

Evelyn’s class has been experimenting with having a university student come in periodically and discuss philosophy with them. This is not just idle chatter; they get into some really deep issues:

We will examine such topics as: What is wisdom? Where do we come from? Why do people suffer? Is it always wrong to tell a lie? What rights do animals have? What does it mean to be human? What is real? Will there ever be world peace?

Evelyn is just the perfect age and temperament for this and she has taken to it like a fish to water. Naturally, the first thing she wants to do is test her newfound philosophical skills on her brother.

The number of times we have had a discussion in the house like:

Evie: “Oliver, are you alive?”
Ollie: “Yes.”
Evie: “But how do you know?”
Ollie: “Because I’m breathing.”
Evie: “But how do you know you’re breathing?”
Ollie: “Evelynnnnn!”
Evie: “Well, how do you know you’re breathing?”
Ollie: “Because my chest is going up and down.”
Evie: “But how do you KNOW your chest is going up and down?”

It goes around and around like this for some time until Ollie is in tears. At one point we had to forbid her discussing philosophy with Ollie because he was waking up in the night terrified with existential dread. It was too much for a 5 year old to handle: What is the meaning of life? Is anything even real? HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW IF WE’RE ALIVE AND NOT JUST A FIGMENT OF EVELYN’S DREAMS???

You can imagine.

Sometimes I think, “What must it be like to be her brother?” but then I think about similar things I did to my younger siblings, and I think it was probably pretty similar. They can chime in, but I’m pretty sure I probably did this kind of thing to them too.

Anyway, I think Ollie’s finally gotten over it (or at least it has gotten so commonplace as to be boring), because this morning at breakfast I heard this conversation:

Evie: “Oliver, is that your real name?”
Ollie, wearily: “Yes Evie, a mad scientist didn’t poke my brain.”

Evelyn’s Fitbit

When Evelyn said she wanted a Fitbit for Christmas, I thought it was a little silly. I’m generally a pretty low-tech person, so it seems silly to give a kid an electronic gadget that *couldn’t possibly* be interesting to her. I was worried she just wanted it as a status symbol. I figured the best case scenario was that she paraded it in front of her friends for a couple of weeks and then forgot about it, making it a total waste of money.

Boy was I wrong.

We’re two months in and let me tell you, no one has EVER used a fitbit more than Evelyn. She checks it *constantly*. She tells me about 5 times a day how many steps she has, and what kind of cool smilies her fitbit has shown her. She keeps a paper log in her room with her “records”, separated by school and non-school days, and she exclaims things like, “Yay, we have gym today! That’s like 1000 extra steps!”

And seriously with those smilies, she’s sure she knows what every one of them means. “Oh, when I’ve gotten XXX steps it gives me the sunglasses, but if it thinks I haven’t been walking enough in the past hour it sticks its tongue out at me.” I’m not 100% sure she knows it isn’t alive.

Forget losing it; she keeps it at her side from sun up to sundown. It hardly goes 30 seconds without her taking a look to see what she’s up to. She gets mad when she can’t clip it to her ballet outfit.

I had no idea how many steps kids take in a day. I mean, I know she’s running around at school and everything (and her legs are shorter than mine!), but she has 300 or so steps by the time she comes upstairs in the morning. How is that even possible? What is she doing down there, pacing her room like a cheetah at the zoo??

Well, she might be. She walks while she reads, she walks up and down the hallway when she has spare time, and she asks to take the long way home. She has literally cried when we took the car to piano instead of walking, on account of all the steps she was going to miss out on.

Sara and I have figured out how to capitalize on all of this, though. “Hey Evelyn, will you run this downstairs for me? You’ll get some extra steps!” or “Hey Evelyn, can  you run the compost over to the garden? You’ll get some extra steps!” Sometimes it’s just, “Why don’t you run up and down the hall a few times and get some energy out get a few extra steps?” Works. Every. Time.

The only downside is that she is SO obsessed with it, that now Ollie is starting to say HE wants one…

My Famous Daughter

Evelyn’s play opened over the weekend, and it’s going smashingly. After the performance on Sunday, we went out to eat at a nearby restaurant.

As we were waiting for our food, Anna noticed a boy walking by our table, eyes bugging out of his head. Afterwards he got his mom and the two of them pretended to have some reason to walk across the restaurant, so he could show her Evelyn. Finally he got his courage up and came over to the table.

“Are you in a play?” he asked. “Yes,” said Evelyn. “We just saw you! We watched the play!” said the boy.

It was very sweet, and Evelyn was very gracious. If she were glowing any harder, Chicago could have shut off the power for the evening and plugged into her instead.

Pretty soon the boy came back with another boy. “He saw the play too,” said the first boy. “You did a good job.”

I think everyone at our table was a little surprised by all of this. Evelyn feels very proud of being in the play, but to be recognized out in public? I mean, it was a true paparazzi moment. She did everything except sign their autographs. “There’s a back door, in case we have to slip out,” said one of our friends.

There was even another actor from the play sitting one table over, but the boys didn’t recognize him. “Poor Claude,” said Evelyn, grinning like she was not even remotely feeling sorry for old Claude.

I have a feeling Evelyn is going to remember this for a long, long time. And if anybody is looking for a good restaurant, I know one where all the actors hang out after the show, in case you want to rub elbows with the stars…

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Shazam! Come check out Evelyn as troublemaker Gladys Herdman at Provision Theater, playing November 28 – December 20!

Based on the book by Barbara Robinson

When the Herdmans (the nastiest kids in the neighborhood) decide they want to be in this year’s Christmas pageant, everyone is sure it will be a disaster. But when the curtain finally goes up, a miracle happens—making it the best ever! This hilarious and heartwarming comedy, filled with singing and music, makes a firm statement about the transformative power of the holiday season—not to mention the transformative power of theatre.

Performances are Saturdays at 3pm & 7pm and Sundays at 3pm; special matinee performances will be on 12/2, 12/9, and 12/16 at 10am.

Tickets are cheap and the show is hilarious (and family friendly!). Evelyn is having a great time and I promise you will too.

Someone has a full social calendar…

Each person in our family gets a column in the family calendar. Can I just point out that someone’s column is a little fuller than the rest of the family?

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