Author: Shane

Chewbacca for Mayor

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Now, I don’t follow Chicago politics very closely, but if I’m understanding the news these days correctly, and I believe I am, Chicago has just taken a significant step forward in electing this nation’s first wookie mayor.

RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRR

I have been voting for Chewbacca as a write-in mayoral candidate for YEARS, so I’m glad that the mainstream media has finally taken notice. Chewy has the sharp fangs, thick pelt, and starship piloting expertise needed in todays tough political climate.

scum_and_villainy

Watch your back, Rahm. Most politicians don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees, on the other hand, are known to do that.

We’re strapped in, Chewy. Make the jump to lightspeed!

nerf-herder

Encore performance

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I am happy to announce that The Pulp Stage will be once again performing the theater adaptation of my story, “My Heart is a Quadratic Equation” in Portland on May 8.

I am so, so happy with the adaptation. I have the audio from the original performance and it is simply awesome! If you are in Portland I highly recommend stopping by, either on May 8th, or to any of their other performances.

How I defeated the oven and saved the day

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Last week, Ollie came down with a nasty stomach bug. The universe, just to prove how snuggly and warm it is, decided that would be wonderful time for the oven to stop working.

I mean, it was working fine one minute, and then the second Evie finished up a batch of granola, it just wouldn’t light. Nada.

I had to stay home with Ollie the next day anyway, so we decided to take it apart to see what makes it tick. As soon as I took off the oven door, Ollie exclaimed, “Oh! Now THAT’S interesting!”

There is nothing that captures Ollie’s imagination more than taking things apart, or seeing how they work. I know he’s too young to really understand much, but he really is just fascinated by it. So I knew he’d be a good helper, even if it was just fetching tools.

Now, I’m not going to lie; being a handyman is not my strong suit. And that’s what made this next part so absolutely awesome.

We completely took apart the oven, diagnosed the problem, found an appliance parts store in Chicago, got the part we needed, put it all back together, and it worked! I mean, this was some serious repair work: there were multiple screw drivers, a socket set, wires that had to be spliced together, part numbers to be looked up…believe me, I’m more shocked than anybody.

After we replaced the ignitor, I told Ollie, “Okay, if we did this right, that part should start to glow.” It takes 30 seconds or so for it to kick in, but when it started glowing you would have thought we had just won the Superbowl. “OH!” Ollie cried, pointing. “IT’S GLOWING! IT’S DOING IT! IT’S GLOWING!”

Many high-fives were given.

I don’t know if it scratches some heretofore undiscovered man-itch buried deep inside me (heh, heh, he said ‘man-itch’), or if it’s just the satisfaction anyone would feel accomplishing something that is completely outside their wheelhouse, but I was strutting like a peacock for that one.

1) Correctly diagnosing the problem, 2) actually successfully completing the project, and 3) doing it all in under a day are usually the unholy trifecta of failure for me. Top that off with only spending $65 total and, I assure you, I was completely insufferable for the rest of the day.

(You know, even more than usual.)

An Analog Man

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I am very please to announce that my story, “The Story of Daro and the Arbolita” will be appearing in Analog Science Fiction and Fact.

I know non-writers are probably not as familiar with the prestige of one market versus another, but there are definite “tiers” between the magazines. In the top tier of magazines, there are three known as the “big three”: Analog, Asimov’s, and Fantasy & Science Fiction. Those are the last three big print magazines; the ones you can actually subscribe to through the mail like a regular magazine, the ones you can still occasionally find on the shelf in a bookstore. Of the “big three”, Analog is the biggest, at least by circulation (they are over 27,000 subscribers).

In fact, Analog is the longest running science fiction magazine, going back to 1930 (known back then as “Astounding Stories”). If you are not a science fiction fan, you can trust that they have published every science fiction author you have heard of: people like Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov, Philip K. Dick, Robert Heinlein, and a lot of others. Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonflight first appeared in Analog. Frank Herbert’s Dune first appeared in Analog.

All of this is a long way to say, I’m dead.

I died now.

Clearly this crazy, ridiculous world in which I have a story forthcoming from Analog is some sort of non-reality heaven simulation, and none of you are real.

You know, two things:
1) After the amazing writing year I had last year, I was really braced for a slump this year. It seemed like it could only be downhill. So far, that doesn’t appear to be the case.
2) There is a certain voice that says, “Hey, maybe you aught to cool it with these announcements, buddy. Be a pro. Act like you been there before.” But you know what? Screw that. I *am* a pro, and so whatever I do? That’s what a pro does.

Do you know what a pro does when he sells a story to Analog?

Dream Warriors

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Oliver just called out in his sleep, “I need help!” (which, by the way, is a pretty creepy thing to say in your sleep)

I went in his room, but he seemed to be neither awake, nor embattled in a Freddy Krueger dream-battle.

I would like to state publicly, and for the record, that if I shout “I need help!” in my sleep, I expect some Dream Warriors to form up and tag team whatever we need to defeat. I don’t ask for help lightly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a job to do.

Boy said he need’s help.