Year: 2014

Why “Handlebars” is the best song

/ Shane / 2 Comments

I know this is an old song. So sue me.

Handlebars sounds like vintage Eminem, except instead of racism and spousal abuse, it has SCIENCE!

Aside from being catchy, the thing I like about the song is the story it tells without actually telling the story. In the beginning, achievement is met with childlike wonder. He’s proud of his ability to ride a bike with no handlebars, or take apart a remote control. His ambition is to make a comic book with his friends. Everything is so simple, but he’s happy.

However, as he goes along, the pride kind of changes into something else. Rather than being proud of what he’s accomplished, each new advance leads into a hunger for more; more mountains to climb, more feats to accomplish, more power and privilege, and more people to subjugate. The more he can do, the more his ambition grows.

As the song intensifies, it drives us forward along with him, and we see how it evolves, one tiny step at a time. He consistently describes himself as happy, but the tone towards the end betrays him. Science lets us make a vaccine that can save millions, but human nature allows us withhold that vaccine. Science lets us split a molecule for power, but human nature turns it into a bomb.

Technology is great, but if we use all that power to guide a missile by satellite, then what use is it? Is that really what the boy riding his bike with no handlebars aspired to? Though it was a journey of a thousand steps, is he really happy with where he ended up?

Despite nothing in the song being futuristic, I think this is a science fictional writer’s song. It struggles with the same things science fiction struggles with: technology and how it causes a sensawunda, how it changes people, how it shapes the human race, and how it can be used for both good and evil.

I highly recommend you give it a listen.

Welcome to Night Vale

/ Shane / 3 Comments

I listen to a lot of audio fiction, and there is no podcast bigger right now than Welcome to Night Vale. Clearly the rest of the world doesn’t need me to tell them about Night Vale (since they’re, yanno, more downloaded than This American Life). But too bad, I’m going to tell you about them anyway.

Welcome to Night Vale is the greatest thing of all time, ever. FACT.

I actually learned about Night Vale first by following them on twitter. They would just send these random, awesomely strange tweets, such as:

or

Most of the fiction podcasts I listen to follow the same formula: host intro, short story, host outtro. Night Vale is…something different. It’s more like an old radio show, where each episode builds into the next one. The writing is stellar. Anything mentioned in an episode is highly likely to show up again and again in subsequent episodes.

Night Vale is an interesting place. It’s sort of like every episode of the X-Files were true, and everybody knew it, so it wasn’t even worth remarking upon. It’s Orwell meets Lovecraft, and your host Cecil just reports on the daily ins and outs, traffic reports, weather reports, and community calendar. There are Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agencies, secret police, Lovecraftian hooded figures on the city council, angels, a literal five headed dragon running for mayor, and sentient glowing clouds.

In their own words:

WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE is a twice-monthly podcast in the style of community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, featuring local weather, news, announcements from the Sheriff’s Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events.

Turn on your radio and hide.

Thank god for Night Vale community radio. How else would we know the dangers of the summer reading program? Who else would inform us on the awful goings on in Desert Bluffs? Remind us not to go to (or think about) the dog park?  How would we know where to hide on street cleaning day?

My favorite parts are the ads. Just to give you a taste:

You cannot see.
You grope around wildly as your footing is also unstable.
You feel a thin liquid filling in your shoes.
It is not water, you can tell.
A pungent smell of brine or anxiety. Your hand strikes something solid – a wall, you think. It is soft, leathery, but also wet. You keep your hands to the surface and it’s moving in and out, like it is breathing. No. More like spasms.
You hear a dull rumble from above, a gurgle from below, you still see nothing. The walls jerk back quickly, you lose your balance and slide down to the floor which is the same surface, but now the liquid is sloshing past you, something grabs your leg. Something is grabbing your leg, you are being pulled down you cannot see which way madness. Which way madness. You scream but no sound comes from your stubborn lips, your impudent throat. You reach. For what, you do not know, only that you reach. A blinding flash. A moment of understanding. You are in an empty store room, tied to a chair.
There are others, but they are hooded and limp. You recall this living nightmare, you take comfort in its familiar pain. You smell fermentation and can hear a dull unending beeping. Someone shouts in a language you do not know.You love your family. You. Love. Them.
Welcome to Red Lobster.
Come see what’s fresh today!

And, one for Subway:

A thousand ways in, no way out. Eat fresh. Eat so terribly, terribly fresh. Terribly, awesomely, gruesomely, terrifyingly fresh.

And finally:

Got a home improvement project? Need help?
Incomplete?
Having feelings? Strange feelings? Feelings you’ve never felt?
Incomplete?
Is your body filled with hot blood, waving curves of sinew, and skin? Can you feel all that blood? Is it even your blood? How can you be sure?
Incomplete?
Are you dizzy from it all, all of this? What are your hands doing?
Incomplete?
Where are your hands now? Where have they been? Where are they going? Where are you going?
Have you ever broken the surface of something with a hammer? Ever channeled sublime thought into sandpaper? Ever wanted to touch something because you feel things, because touch is the only sense you trust?
Incomplete?
What is trust? Is making a thing proof that you exist? Is fixing a thing proof that you have transcended mortality? History?
Incomplete?
Feel things? Feel things?
You can do it. We can help. The Home Depot.

Quote Monday has needs

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Sara: “How could we not have predicted that I would need a pot to preserve animal skulls?”

::Overheard::
Ollie: “Evie, what does ‘meow meow meow’ mean in cat language?”
Evie: “Well, it could mean a lot of things, depending on what you’re thinking.”

Evie, very excited: “I ran the mile in 10 minutes, 52 seconds!”
Sara, to me: “Yeah, and that was in a dress, tights, and pearls.”

I guess it’s our fault for giving her such an old lady name, but Evelyn’s sense of style can definitely be described as “Fancy Church Social”.

Sara: “How could we not have predicted that I would need a pot to preserve animal skulls?”

Best. Broccoli. Ever.

/ Shane / Leave a comment

The first Friday of the month is reserved for recipes. You can see additional First Friday Food posts here.

The Reason:

I’m not sure how Sara happened on this recipe to begin with, but it’s definitely THE way to prepare broccoli. The first time we made it, it almost got eaten before even landing on the table. There are never any leftovers.

The Journey:

This has been a slowly evolving recipe.

The original recipe was just for the broccoli, which was amazing enough, and we couldn’t get enough of it. However, we don’t really eat a lot of side dishes on a regular basis. On an average night I’m willing to put some effort in on an amazing main dish, but I don’t have the energy left over to put work into sides as well. Maybe some reheated corn and that’s about it.

broccoli

However, one day Sara sort of smashed it into a pasta recipe and it really became one of our go-to meals. Just the broccoli as-is with pasta is awesome enough, but then you throw in some roasted walnuts and crushed red pepper (which kind of goes with everything, no?) and you’ve got something *amazing*. Plus the walnuts give it a little more staying power.

spicy broccoli

 

The broccoli is best when it has little blackened spots on it. It’s not burned, I promise! Also, go with the fresh shredded parmesan. For some reason, on this recipe in particular, it really makes a world of difference.

roasting broccoli

The Verdict:

Honestly, it’s hard to get something this delicious that is healthier than this. What more could you ask for? If you can manage to fend off the savages long enough, it’s great as a left-over as well.

healthy pasta

The Recipe:

As a meal:

Recipe inspired by Real Simple.

  • 1 package whole wheat pasta (we usually use spirals)
  • 2 bunches of broccoli
  • 2/3 cup walnuts
  • 2 Tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
  • 2 to 3 Tablespoons of butter (to taste)
  • juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
  1. Preheat the oven to 400
  2. Cook the pasta according to the package directions. Reserve 1 1/2 cups of the cooking liquid. Drain the pasta and return it to the pot.
  3. Meanwhile, on 2 rimmed baking sheets, toss the broccoli, walnuts, oil, garlic, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
  4. Roast until the broccoli is tender and slightly browned, 20 – 25 minutes
  5. Toss the pasta with the broccoli mixture, butter, and 1/2 cup of the reserved pasta water
  6. Sprinkle with the parmesan & lemon juice before serving

As a side dish:

Recipe from Farmish Mama.

  • 2 bunches of broccoli
  • 3 or 4 cloves of garlic
  • ~1 tablespoon of lemon juice (about half a lemon, lightly squeezed)
  • Freshly grated parmesan cheese
  1. Preheat the oven to 425
  2. Cut broccoli into bite-sized florets
  3. Slice garlic and toss in a bowl with the broccoli
  4. Toss the broccoli and sliced garlic with the olive oil and season with salt
  5. Spread it all out on a baking tray making sure they aren’t touching and let it roast 20 – 25 minutes or until you get lots of nice brown roasty spots
  6. Take it out of the oven and squeeze a lemon all over the broccoli and grate some good quality, fresh parmesan cheese all over it

Paralyzed by choice

/ Shane / 1 Comment

I recently was in the market for a new bluetooth headset, so I hit all the usual places: Amazon, CNET, google searches, blog reviews, etc. I was having a really difficult time finding one that I liked. I went through dozens of links, but no matter how many products I reviewed, there never seemed to be a clear-cut winner. This one has better sound quality, but this one fits better. This one is cheaper, but this one lasts longer. This one has poor customer service, is lacking in volume, and doesn’t even support in-app purchases. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT IN-APP PURCHASES??

I would see entries with 5000 reviews, 600 of them negative. Of course I discounted the stupid reviews, but even excluding those, there were hundreds of people who had experienced problems with these products. I am not exactly going to be a “power user” of this device, but who wants to drop money on a bluetooth headset only to discover that it’s a piece of junk? Who wants to buy the wrong thing, when a quick stroll through the reviews could have saved them the trouble?

So I hemmed and hawed, and ended up buying nothing. Nothing seemed worth buying. There were just too many negative reviews.

Once upon a time, I used to walk in to Best Buy, see what they had, pick one, and was happy. Without consulting the reviews, the vast majority of my purchases were by and large positive ones. I was ignorant, but happy.

These days I’m just overwhelmed by information. I am a researcher by nature, and when there is information out there for me to find, I hate to not know it. But now there’s so much information out there, I literally can’t know it all. Instead I find myself spending more and more time researching, and less and less time actually enjoying the item.

Forget about impulse buys; I think I can find it cheaper online. Don’t just walk into any old restaurant; it doesn’t have good reviews on Yelp. We have 10 minutes to kill, let me see what the local attractions are.

The thing is, it feels like a good thing. We have more choices, and more information, and that’s better right? Power to the consumer! But increasingly I’m finding that it also comes along with more stress. It used to be, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” I was happy with my purchase because I *didn’t* know I could get it cheaper across town and anyway alpha_dude_777 thought the workmanship was sub-standard. I just had a thing, and it was fine. Now I have to constantly second guess every decision. “Well now, hold on, let’s not be too hasty: let’s just see which option gets more likes on Facebook.”

I have to find a way to shut my brain off. Let sleeping dogs lie. What you don’t know won’t hurt you.

Less information, less choice. Less stress. More happiness.