Good news, folks! Apparently there is absolutely nothing for the police to be doing in Chicago.

Yesterday I got pulled over on the highway. Warning only, no ticket, and it’s a good thing! My speed? Going 60 in a 55.

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Me: “I honestly have no idea.”
Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Me: “No. I was just keeping up with traffic.”
Officer: “You’re operating a motor vehicle and you have no idea how fast you were going?”
Me: “I could take a guess…but no, I couldn’t say for sure. If I was passing people, I would have looked, but I was just keeping up with traffic.”
Officer: “What if I told you you were going 80?”
Me, thinking: “Oh crap, I was going 80?”
Me: “Well, I would be surprised, but I was just keeping up with everybody else.”
Officer: “Well, you were going 62. But I’ll put down 60 so I can just give you a warning.”
Me, thinking: “I was only going 62??”

First off, I think we can all agree that going 5 over is pretty standard anywhere in the country. Second off, if you’re going 55 on the highway around Chicago, you are a hazard to traffic and you’re probably going to die. Without question, the average is somewhere around 70 mph or so. Everybody goes 70, every day, right past cops and nobody bats an eye.

“But you were technically speeding,” Sara gleefully points out. Okay, I suppose. But why was I picked out, out of the hundreds of cars around me going exactly the same speed? I have a theory.

Usually, one is very aware of where all the cop cars are at any given moment. In this particular case, I didn’t notice he was behind me until he was *right* behind me. So I think that he was trying to go very fast (speeding if you will), and I didn’t get out of his way fast enough. So he thought to himself, “This guy must not be paying attention, I’m going to pull him over for something.”

There is no way someone can justify to me why I got pulled over for going 60 mph on the highway.