zombies

Organ Trail

/ Shane / Leave a comment

I’m pretty sure most of you have played Oregon Trail. Ride your wagon from landmark to landmark, busting axles and getting cholera and dysentery until you eventually try to ford a river that’s too high and your entire party is swept out to sea. Just think of all the hard-won buffalo meat you’ve lost!

Well anyway, that’s all fine and well, but you can’t really relate to it. Who’s a pioneer these days anyway? No, we need something more realistic. We need Organ Trail.

Organ Trail is a little different. Organ Trail has zombies. It’s essentially a one-to-one redo of Oregon Trail, except this time you’re traveling in a station wagon, and your ammo is for killing zombies, not harmless wildlife. You get the t-virus instead of dysentery, and you cross hordes of agitated zombies instead of fording rivers. How grueling will your pace be? How filling your rations?

I made it through on the first try, so it’s not necessarily that hard. My score was 2330. Everybody in my party lived, but Nathan took the brunt of the abuse (stop breaking your leg you clumsy oaf!) and Jackie somehow managed to get bitten by a zombie 4 times! Thank god their fearless leader was a little more competent.

Who needs a gnome?

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Lloyd the gnome is currently guarding our garden, and doing a decent job at it. So far this year, no poachers. However, I think Lloyd is about to be superseded. Gnomes aren’t really that scary. But zombies are.

That’s right, a garden zombie from (who else?) ThinkGeek. It’s a little pricey at $90, but who hasn’t wanted to have their own garden zombie?

Yeesh, never mind, that thing’s too scary.

ZombieFit

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Everybody wants to lose weight, to exercise more. It’s the motivation that’s the problem. It’s just that there really isn’t anything motivational enough to get me to run, jump, etc.

Well, there is one thing: zombies!

Now in Chicago you can sign up for ZombieFit, which bills itself as “fitness to survive the apocolypse”.

The keys to surviving Z-day are simple: Be able to lift and throw heavy things, run fast and for long distances, and be able to navigate obstacles and urban environments in an efficient manner.

I will let them describe the program, in their own words:

…five to a dozen people gather to run, jump, climb and vault up, over and around obstacles that stand in for the features of a city in the grip of a zombie infestation. They also undergo strength and conditioning training because zombies are relentless.

There are no actual zombies or zombie stand-ins, though Gatz says they are invoked for inspiration. A precision jump, for example, requires participants to land in an exact location, much as they would have to do if fleeing a zombie from rooftop to rooftop.

“You’ve got to land that, or the zombies are going to get you,” Gatz tells students.

I think it is time for the haters to admit that I’m not the only one talking about zombies here. It’s common enough to be a business model.

Link via Jackie.

Speaking of zombies, I sure wish someone would come up with some plans for a rocket propelled chainsaw. Because that would just be the most ridiculous…

Zombie Harmony

/ Shane / 1 Comment

Finally! The zombie dating site we’ve all been waiting for! Zombie Harmony…because the apocalypse doesn’t have to be lonely.

I found a date through zombie harmony - one of the best free dating sites for zombies

Certainly ONE of the best free dating sites for zombies

This is so great. You fill in the search criteria to specify the type of zombie you’d like to meet. For example, fill in the blanks (between the quotes):

I am a “slow-moving” zombie seeking a “slow-moving” zombie with “all limbs intact” who is “freshly turned” and is interested in “Gnawing”, “Lumbering” and “Groaning”

Don’t forget to check out the sample profiles or the testimonials by happy couples!

Link via Jackie’s twitter.

More Search Terms

/ Shane / 1 Comment

As I mentioned in my previous post on the subject, I am endlessly fascinated by some of the things that people google which result in them landing on my blog. So here are some of the highlights. These are broken down into a few categories of amusement, 1) what the heck was that person searching for, 2) how did that search land on my blog, 3) I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!

What the heck was that person searching for?

  • ‘tactical mayonnaise’ – Lunch tactics? Or war tactics?
  • ‘resplendent start with the dead’ – I don’t know what that means, but I’ve had that one no less than 4 times!
  • ‘pull out fingernails’ – Yeesh. No thank you!
  • ‘human zombie cat’ – Yeesh! NO THANK YOU! Stitch together your sick creations on someone else’s blog thank-you-very-much. I have enough trouble with a living, non-human-hybrid cat.
  • ‘jelly fish hunting fighting boats’ – What could that even mean? It conjures images of sea battles with giant mutant jelly fish.

How did that search land on my blog?

These are usually things that I don’t believe I’ve ever talked about, but I do in fact agree with or support. So it’s like Google detected that these people think like me and led them to my blog, despite me never mentioning anything of the sort.

  • ‘are “two question” marks aggressive’ – I don’t know how they found me, but for any future searches on this topic: Yes. Yes they are.
  • ‘awesome cat’ – Okay, I had a couple of hits on this one, but I’m not sure how those found me. I have the opposite. But I did get a hit on ‘nusiance cats’, so that one I understand.
  • ‘what do zombie pirates say?’ – I really don’t know. But I kind of feel like, if anybody should know, I should know, right?
  • ‘where there be pirates’ – Was this a search by an actual pirate?!
  • ‘i grit my teeth when i pet my cat’ – My favorite, hands down. It describes my position exactly. I don’t think I ever said that on my blog though, so how did they end up here?

I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!

  • ‘big headed chiquita bananas’ – Lead to this post, in which I mention the chiquita banana lady, but not the size of her head.
  • ‘bacon evie’ – Now those are good search terms for finding me! I get a lot of ‘erith1 is this thing on?’ searches, but those are more obvious. What if ‘bacon evie’ was looking for someone else?
  • ‘litter box in bathroom curtain AND cat peed on curtains why’ – I soo feel for the desperation of the person searching for this. Now, my cat didn’t pee on my curtains, but my story did involve both cat pee and a curtain. So I wasn’t too far off.
  • ‘picklerita’ – Wow, I actually had a good post for them! There can’t be that many picklerita posts out there.
  • ‘she toot on me’ – ::sigh:: but I did get a ‘toot hole’ search, so maybe the phrase is catching on!