zombies

Coming Soon to a survival shelter near you

/ Shane / 3 Comments

You know how you want to stock up your Zombie Apocalypse bunker, but you (r wife) just never quite (lets you) get the time to go around and actually get the supplies? Well, now you can just pick them up next time you’re out shopping.

Costco now offers the complete 3-month, 2-person Food Supply with 55-gallon Barrel Water Storage System, for the low, low price of $999.99 (because there’s no way I would pay $1,000 for it). We’re talking “4,251 Total Servings which Averages Over 2,000 Calories Per Person Per Day”. My question is, how much space does it actually take up? It seems like it must be huge.

I will give them credit, they do have nice, colorful marketing images. It looks downright cheery!

Apocalypse with a Smile!

I have to wonder, though, if the cheeriness and marketing is really appealing to the target market. I’m not sure those colorful cans would go with the average survivalist shelter decor.

In case you are nervous about plunking your money down, good news! There are reviews. Nobody has given it less than a full 5 star rating. Looks like a winner!

Link via Sara.

Why waste your time planning for all these OTHER ridiculous disasters…

/ Shane / Leave a comment

…when there are real, actual threats you should be planning for!

Link via GraphJam.

That’s called preparedness

/ Shane / Leave a comment

From full sleep to fighting zombies in 30 seconds or less:

Picture via FailBlog.

How the Boxcar Children led me to the Zombie Apocalypse

/ Shane / 1 Comment

When I was little, I loved the book The Boxcar Children. I’m talking the original book here, not the 700 books that came later in the series, where they were solving mysteries and fighting Nazis and what have you.

There was something I just loved about these kids living in this boxcar, making a go of it. They’d scavenge things from the junkyard and modify them to make their life a little more comfortable. I remember how it blew my mind when they made a little refrigerator by putting their milk in a little cave under the creek. It was awesome. I loved it.

For me, the zombie apocalypse is like a modern day Boxcar Children. It’s the ultimate you’re-on-your-own scenario. It’s imagining how you could adapt things to a different use. How you could carve out your own little comfortable castle in the middle of the chaos. It’s the ultimate exercise in self-sufficiency.

In fact, I think they should redo the whole book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies style. The children hiding out in their boxcar while the zombies groan outside, scratching out a living until Mr. Henry comes and whisks them away to his island compound.

This would fit so perfectly, that I’m not 100% sure it wasn’t the original intention of the book. It was originally published in 1924, so zombie books probably weren’t quite so common back then. But even as a kid, I could read between the lines.

Boxcar fortress. Zombies. Think about it.

Zombie Apocalypse – Dead on Arrival

/ Shane / Leave a comment

There aren’t a lot of bigger zombie apocalypse supporters than me. So, when I see an article entitled 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly), I get ready to scoff. However, I read the entire article, and I have to say that they make some pretty good arguments! Unfortunately, I have to admit that they have a point. The 7 reasons are as follows:

7. They Have Too Many Natural Predators
6. They Can’t Take the Heat
5. They Can’t Handle the Cold
4. Biting is a Terrible Way to Spread a Disease
3. They Can’t Heal from Day to Day Damage
2. The Landscape is Full of Zombie-Proof Barriers
1. Weapons and the People Who Use Them

You really have to go read the article, because looking at that list isn’t very convincing. But basically the gist of it is that zombie movies downplay certain key factors, and up-play other key factors, to make a convincing movie. In reality, all those little details they are fudging would mount up to a significant, zombie-stopping force. For example, people are more organized and better at killing things than you might imagine (that’s how we got to the top of the food chain to begin with), hot corpses fill with gas until they explode, maggots and bacteria are pretty efficient at dismantling dead meat, there’s no way every bite could lead to infection, etc., etc., etc.

Go take a look at the list and tell me you’re not convinced.

Looking at that list brought me to another list on the same site, 5 Popular Zombie Survival Tactics (That Will Get You Killed).

5. Raiding the Gun Store
4. Get Out of Town
3. Fortify Your Base
2. Conserve Ammo: Use Melee Weapons When Possible
1. Always Aim for the Head

Basically these kind of come down to, “Hey, you’re not the only person who thought of that, idiot.” They’re right to point out that pretty much everybody has the same plan. The details might be different, but the general outline is the same. And I don’t know how many gun stores you have in your neighborhood, but chances are they’re going to get a little crowded. Not to mention that most of us aren’t the superheroes we think we are, where every shot is a head shot, dancing through scores of bodies without getting a drop of blood on us. In other words, real life isn’t a video game.

Who knew cracked.com would be the sanest place to get zombie advice??