Bacon Legislation

I’ve mentioned before the important, and useful ability of the common man to petition the federal government for important services. Now, unfortunately, some people have put this powerful website to silly uses, which is a shame, because it obscures the truly useful petitions. I’m referring of course, to this one: Have the USDA set a Recommended Daily Intake (RDI) for bacon.

We, the undersigned, respectfully request that the USDA set a Recommended Daily Intake (RDI) for bacon, so that all Americans can be guided on how best to participate in this amazing, nation building food.

Finally, something useful and important that the government could actually accomplish!

Please join me in signing this vital petition. We need 100,000 signatures by April 21st, and we have a long, long way to go.

I guess we’re not getting a Death Star after all

In order to better “connect with the people”, the White House set up an area on where the common man can enter petitions, or suggestions to be implemented by the President. Realizing that this was the Internet, and all sorts of dumb things would likely get entered in there, they made a minimum number of signatures required before the White House would actually examine a petition and respond to it. Not realizing this was the Internet, they set the threshold at 25,000 signatures in 30 days, something that is almost laughably easy to achieve (note that they’ve since raised the bar to 100,000).

Logically, this new petition system quickly lead to a brilliant suggestion: the government should begin construction on a Star Wars-style Death Star.

The petition makes some good points, and is appealing to many different segments of the community:

By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.

What’s not to like?

Not surprisingly, this petition quickly reached the required number of signatures, triggering an official response from the White House (and changes to the way the petition system works).

Although I support the creation of the Death Star (and signed the petition), in the government’s defense, they make some pretty good points as well:

Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

The response is great, and filled with Star Wars references, however, I think that you have to read between the lines a little bit. My takeaway is that the government IS ALREADY working on a Death Star, though they can’t come right out and say it. They reference the “giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth” and the laser-wielding Mars rover. Message received Mr. Shawcross. ::wink wink:: Message received.

Finally, some words of wisdom from the White House:

Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.