So, I did one of those things where it grabs random tweets from your stream and makes them into poetry? And I have to say…strangely poetic!
by Shane Halbach
Terrifying thing I’ve ever seen
Weird, how do you know my parents?
Me 23 consecutive form rejects.
Leave a lot of wiggle room…
There could be side effects
“I have to go to the bathroom”?
Welcome to Night Vale
Another story sale
Does everybody hate me? MADNESS
The $25 car repair
But it’s just different I guess.
Not too bad, actually (possibly with the exception of the attempt to type out the lyrics of Thunderstruck). Just, you know, watch out for those side effects.
Give it a whirl and post the good ones in the comments!
It is so hard not to participate in rejectomancy.
The editor of a magazine that has a story of mine just followed me on Twitter. That’s got to be a good sign, right?
But here’s the thing: I don’t list my twitter on my cover letter. I do list my website which in turn lists my twitter, which would seem to indicate that said editor has been to my website, no?
Perhaps I’m reading too much into this…
[Edit: I wasn’t.]
The other day I had a thought that so completely stunned me, that I just stood there with the shower water running down my face: librarians were so ahead of their time!
Librarians have been stalwart defenders of our information privacy before we even knew what information privacy or data mining was. Even in this digital age, libraries don’t keep records of what books you’ve checked out. This is not just poor record keeping, but a conscious effort to ensure people cannot use our own information against us. 70 years ago, librarians were already envisioning the case where someone could use the fact that you checked out a copy of Mein Kampf to blacklist you from getting a job.
Nowadays, companies like Google and Facebook keep track of every move we make online, correlating it, cross-referencing it, and (of course) selling it. If you search for a product, Amazon immediately sends you an email about similar products. Then it sends an email to your friends, who might also like products that you like. If you buy peanut butter, Yahoo puts you in touch with singles who have jelly. If you fart, Steve Ballmer bursts through your window with a can of deodorizer (the one that your best friend gave five stars on Yelp) (Yes, I know it doesn’t make any sense that your friend is rating fart deodorizer on Yelp, except that 1) your best friend is kind of crazy, and 2) this was the fart deodorizer sold by a special “beans only” restaurant. It’s downtown) (And by the way, that wasn’t exactly the craziest part of that sentence anyway, so lay off alright?).
We hardly exist as people anymore; we’re just chess pieces in the game of mass consumption. Our very existence generates money for other people. Every product we buy, every link we click on, ever celebrity we tweet about is stored in a database for later use. Employers are Googling job applicants and demanding access to their Facebook profiles before hiring them. All of a sudden, you’re wishing you hadn’t done that review of Mein Kampf on GoodReads.
And librarians saw the writing on the wall, tried to stop it, before it was even technically possible to do it.
Good job librarians. Sorry we didn’t listen to you before it was too late. Anything else you want to warn us about?
Did you ever know someone who just says funny things? Just a quote generating machine? Well, thanks to the Internet, you don’t have to enjoy this person all by your lonesome anymore. Take 29 year old Justin, who lives with his 73 year old curmudgeon father. He just takes the things his dad says on a daily basis and throws them up on a twitter account, and just like that he got a T.V. deal.
*Warning* The *ahem* [stuff] his dad says can be a bit profane and/or vulgar. His dad doesn’t have much of a filter on his mouth, which is part of what makes this so funny! I edited the ones below.
So here is a random sampling. Click on the link above to read pages and pages of this stuff. It is hilarious and addicting.
- “Son, no one gives a [crap] about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.”
- “The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”
- “Here’s a strawberry, sorry for farting near you…Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop [complaining], or no strawberry, that’s the deal.”
- “The worst thing you can be is a liar….Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2”
- “Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it’s fiction, and it’s about some idiot.”
- “Don’t touch the bacon, it’s not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i’ll let you handle…what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.”
Now this is some cool technology! Basically, Nokia has come up with a way to harvest ambient radio waves and turn it into electricity to charge the battery of your phone. In other words, your cell phone could slowly recharge in your pocket and could essentially stay in standby mode forever, without ever needing to be recharged. Think of all the energy that is roaming around us via cell phone towers, power lines, radio transmissions, etc. that is going to waste. Tapping into and using that otherwise wasted power is like finding another natural resource. That’s thinking green!
Going a completely different direction now, I came across this humorous article about people who start Twitter accounts, post just one message, and quit. That article led to this blog about “1 post wonders“, that is, people who make blogs with only 1 post, never to post again.
Hopefully reading a few of those blogs will help you appreciate my blog a little more. 😉