I wish I had telekinesis. I would use it to push the cat downstairs and close the gate whenever she is meowing outside Evie’s door before 6 a.m. When I’m lying there wishing death on the cat, I think of all sorts of things I could do with telekinesis. I could sweep her out of the hallway, confine her to a room, put her in a little telekinetic box and squeeze her until she shuts up, give her a little push every time she meows until I taught her not to meow. The list is endless.

I really do need some superpowers though. I always thought it would be nice to have Superman’s heat vision so that you could clear the ice off your windshield in winter. I used to have the power to randomly get free cookies at any Subway, but I haven’t been to one in so long that I don’t know if that power is still functioning. I probably got that power by working at Subway for so long, kind of like being bitten by a radioactive spider, so it might get weaker and weaker the longer I work at a desk job. Or it could be controlled by the phases of the moon. Superpowers are complicated like that.

I always forget how bald I am until I see a picture of myself from the top. I was looking at one such picture the other day and I was quite amazed at the perfect little oval of hairlessness. Then it occurred to me! What if I am developing an invisibility power, and so far it only manifests itself over my head?

So look for me to be invisible in the future. (Well, don’t literally look for me, because I’ll be invisible) Anybody else have any interesting super powers?