Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Sara and I were looking for something to do after the kids went to bed. We had suspended our Netflix account for a couple of months, so we decided to reactivate it, thinking we could stream a movie. However, after many tries on different browsers, we discovered that it apparently it takes a little time for things to work through the system, and we weren’t going to be able to stream a movie. It was a little disappointing, because at that point I really had my mind set on a movie. There was nothing on the Tivo, and nothing on tv. There was really only one option left to us:

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

If you recall, I was pretty excited about this movie. First off, the title is Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. So you have my attention right off the bat. Second off, it stars the Renegade himself, Mr. Lorenzo Lamas. Finally, the preview featured a shark eating an airplane, as well as the golden gate bridge. Basically, how could you lose?

Well, apparently you CAN lose. You will be very surprised to hear that MS vs. GO was, in fact, not a very good movie.

When I think of this movie, two movies come to mind: Snakes on a Plane, due to the title and pre-release hype similarities, and Biker Zombies from Detroit, due to the extremely low budget, plot and acting. Strangely, MS vs. GO was sort of the worst of both worlds.

They just forgot that they weren’t supposed to take themselves too seriously. Instead of being campy and intentionally over the top, it was like they were trying to make a real movie, and failing miserably. Say what you want about Snakes on a Plane, but that title made some promises, and the movie delivered. MS vs. GO’s best scenes were in the trailer. The two giant animals only really fight twice, and they must have been low on budget, because the animation was the same, up to and including the shark biting an arm off of the octopus. Let me repeat that, they animated a fight sequence, and then they played it back later as a different fight sequence (though they did have the decency to flip it, so it was a mirror image of the first fight sequence).

I know it seems silly to criticize a movie about a giant shark fighting a giant octopus, but if I’m sitting down to watch it, then I am willing to accept the premise that a giant shark and octopus could somehow be frozen, only to awaken and terrorize the world. So that part doesn’t bother me. However, there are so many little things that didn’t make sense, but so easily could have, that I feel like they weren’t even trying.

Why did the Navy fire above surface guns in a random direction, rather than even remotely aiming at the shark? Why did everybody on the Japanese submarine speak English? Why were schools of Hammerhead sharks and other tropical fish swimming around in the arctic? How did a sub leaving from Tokyo meet up with a sub leaving from San Francisco in like 20 minutes? Why would a submarine full of Navy crewmen just let the scientist take over as the pilot? (Although, in his defense, the guy in charge did say, “You got this?” so I guess that’s standard procedure.) Why did torpedoes and missiles somehow not affect the animals in any way, leaving them completely unharmed? Was I supposed to believe the ridiculous colored-test-tube-montages were supposed to be “science”? Did you really think anybody was going to buy the ridiculous love story??

Now, in all fairness, this probably would have been more fun with a different crowd (I’d venture to say Sara wasn’t that into it). But it just felt like a big disappointment; lots of promise but it failed to deliver. Even for a low budget movie, it had terrible writing (and believe me, I’ve seen a bazillion of these movies, even low budget movies can do better). Even after watching the entire movie, I still don’t even know how the animals were released in the first place. Was it global warming? Was it related to the illegal sonic transmitter thing that the helicopter dropped, but seemed to never come up again?

WHAT WAS WITH THE CONSTANT BLINDING-FLASH SCENE CHANGES? It was like they were testing the audience to find out who had epilepsy!

::sigh::

Well, needless to say, I won’t be rushing out to see the sequel, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus. Wait a tick, what’s that? The sequel stars Jaleel White, a.k.a Steve Urkel? Damn you Mega Shark franchise! You’ve done it again!!

Giant Crocodile vs. Shark

/ Shane / Leave a comment

When you see a headline like “Giant crocodile devours a shark as tourists look on“, then you have an article I am going to read, my friends.

According to the article, it’s really not that uncommon of a fight. I repeat, there are places on this earth where a giant crocodile fighting a shark is not that uncommon. There is even a video there of a fisherman pulling a shark up on shore, followed by a crocodile coming out of the water to get said shark. So I guess it’s true.

I smell a sequel to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus! Personally, I think Mega Shark vs. Giant Crocodile is a much better fight. Leave the Giant Octopuses to Mega Sperm Whales, thank you very much.

Link via Sara (who demands I give her credit for every single link she sends me, although if she loves the attention so much why doesn’t she start her own dang blog)

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

/ Shane / 10 Comments

Okay people, have you seen this one? Check out the trailer for a movie with the unlikely name of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Make sure you watch to the very last scene…I think you’ll know which one I mean when you see it:

Yeah, that’s right. The one where the mega shark jumps out of the water and eats an airplane. Oh, and the one where the mega shark bites the Golden Gate Bridge ain’t no slouch either.

There is a lot here that reminds me of Snakes on a Plane: the cheesy subject matter, the awesome title that leaves no doubt who this movie is intended for, the pre-movie Internet hype, etc. Just substitute The Renegade himself, Mr. Lorenzo Lamas, for Samuel L. Jackson and you have a movie. I’d guess that this was all intentional in an attempt to try to replicate what Snakes on a Plane had and try to get more money out of a cheaply made movie. But you know what? I don’t care! Intentional or not, cheesy or not, I can’t miss a movie with a title like that. In full disclosure, this is perfectly the type of movie I like to begin with, so it’s not like they had to do much convincing on my part.

According to the IMDB page, this movie is going to be released in 5 days, so they may have started their hype machine a little late, but I’m going to do my part to get the word out there!