Alright, let me start by saying none of this is actually my fault. And I’m not really crazy, as you will soon see. But lately it has come up that I have a bit of a bedtime ritual. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the fact that Oliver is sleeping in there, and I tend to wake him up. I wouldn’t really say it is a compulsion; I don’t freak out if I miss a step or something. But it just takes me a little while to get the bed situated in the optimal configuration for sleeping.

1. All of the sheets and blankets have to be straight. Not like perfect laser-straight lines or anything, but I want the hems at my feet and neck. This isn’t just fussiness or something, I have a legitimate reason for this! I am tall! You shorter people might not realize, but if the sheet is at any kind of angle or anything, my feet will stick out of the blanket, and that drives me crazy. It would be perfectly fine if my sheets could stay tucked in, but that’s another story. And I’m sure as heck not making my bed.
2. I can’t sleep with socks. I just can’t. Those have to come off.
3. I have super dry skin, and nowhere is worse than my feet. I get shivers thinking about how my scratchy heels catch on the sheet as I slide them in. Ugh! So, after the socks come off, lotion goes on. My feet sitting down there just…being dry is worse than wearing socks. It’s like wearing skin-tight, sandpaper socks.
4. Probably because of this, or because of bad experiences with scratchy wool blankets, I can’t stand touching the blanket with skin. So the sheet has to be covering me first, and then the blankets can go on top. This goes back to #1; feet out of all the blankets is the worst, but feet out of just the sheet and touching the blanket is the second worst. DON’T get me started on flannel sheets. ::shudder:: The worst of both worlds.
5. Right now there are a couple of extra complications. We aren’t using a big comforter because of Oliver, so instead there are several smaller blankets (it’s too blasted cold for only one blanket). This means that each layer has to be arranged properly. And with Evie in the picture, all those blankets are spread to the 4 corners every day, so by bedtime they’re in complete disarray (and not tucked in!).
6. Ah, the bed is finally prepared! Now, on to the pillow! I’m a pillow flipper. Big time. So the pillow has to be flipped at least once, always, to ensure maximum coldness. If I wake up in the night, the pillow has to be flipped every time. I don’t think this is a big deal, except if I can’t sleep. Then I flip the pillow so much that both sides get hot, making it even *harder* to get to sleep. In that case, I’m not above getting an auxiliary cold pillow so that one can be cooling on the floor and ready to go. I should note however that I almost NEVER have trouble getting to sleep, so this isn’t really a problem.

There are a million other little things too. For example, I am in charge of bringing the baby monitor in and plugging it in at night. This usually means after I get into bed I realize I forgot the monitor somewhere in the house. So I have to get back up, get the monitor, fumble around on the floor in the dark for the plug, then get back into bed (which always requires a little rearranging). Then, of course, I have to sit back up and move the monitor because it is facing in such a way that the giant green search light led is pointing right at my face and I can see green when I close my eyes.

So, I can see how it might have turned into a sort of a ritual, and it might be annoying to some people. However, I have very good reasons for all of the steps, and there really aren’t that many. Quite honestly, I don’t see how people could NOT do these things. Who wants their feet sticking out in the cold? Who wants dry, sandpapery feet sliding all over the place? Who wants blankets that end up in a big pile, so one part of you is too hot and the other part is too cold?

Not this guy, that’s for sure!