Hero Worship

Nicholas Was…

/ Shane / 2 Comments

Nicholas Was…

by Neil Gaiman

I recommend the video, but just in case, the words are reprinted below:

Nicholas Was…

older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.

The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.

Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves’ invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.

He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.

Ho.

Ho.

Ho.

Merry Christmas!

An Ode to Rick Steves

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Though awkward seems to be thy major trait
Appearing with the visage of Bill Gates
And foreign words thou seem to mispronounce
Huge glasses thy misfit status doth announce
It must be said thou never lead astray
A lonely traveler with little cash at hand
Thy book a pilgrim’s bible to the world
Where and when it’s worth to spend a day
Which restaurants and sites are bland or grand
And where head upon a pillow safely curls

‘Twas Italy where first we learned to trust
The walking tour of Rome which was a must
We quickly learned to check with thou before
We even set one foot out yonder door
In England books of thine were in demand
A thief who broke our window just to steal
And left us in distress without your aid
Since all the trip upon the book was planned
Forlorn and nearly ruined by this ordeal
‘Til the guest house’s copy we managed to persuade

And now with trip to Paris looming near
No other guide’s advice would we now hear
When traveling through far and foreign land
We know we are kept safe in adept hands
From shortcuts in the Louvre to look and leave
and tips on what to buy to skip the lines
To spaces for the kids or fine cuisine
We wouldn’t know what to do without Rick Steves
We know that our vacation will be fine
And Evie even gets a guillotine!

(Special ode formatting thanks to Ode to a Grecian Urn by John Keats)

Captain Planet’s 20th Anniversary

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Can you believe it’s been 20 years since Captain Planet debuted in 1990? Way to make me feel old.

Well, it’s time to start gearing up for September 15, 2010, or “National Captain Planet Day” as I like to call it. There is a website and everything, so you know it is official. You’re going to especially want to check out the retro videos from the original Captain Planet launch, including Mayim Bialik from Blossom and Jodie Sweetin from Full House talking about how excited they are about the show.

You know, I guess i was on the older side for Captain Planet. I remember even at the time thinking, “This is kind of heavy handed in the lessons department for me.” But I still watched it and I still liked it. And I can still sing the song, these 20 years later.

“EARTH!”
“FIRE!”
“WIND!”
“WATER!”
“HEART!”

“Go Planet!”

“By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!”

Captain Planet, he’s our hero
Gonna take pollution down to zero

He’s our powers magnified
And he’s fighting on the planet’s side

Captain Planet, he’s our hero
Gonna take pollution down to zero

Gonna help him put asunder
Bad guys who like to loot and plunder

“You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!”

We’re the Planeteers
You can be one too
‘Cause saving our planet is the thing to do!

Looting and polluting is not the way
Hear what Captain Planet has to say!

“The Power is Yours!”

Link via Sara.

Happy Birthday Hulkster!

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Today is Hulk Hogan’s birthday. On the news they were listing people’s birthdays and under the name it said how you would know the person (i.e. what they were famous for). Under the Hulkster’s name it said, “Hogan Knows Best“.

I died a little inside.

Side note, he’s is turning 57. The Hulkster is pushing 60!

The Twister

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When I was little, there was no bigger game in town than the minor league hockey team, the Fort Wayne Komets.

It doesn’t seem like a minor league team would be any big deal, but I’m telling you, people had signs hanging in their window. Every game was packed. We talked about the Komets at school. Everyone knew the names of the players. I think I still have a puck or two lying around somewhere.

But of all the excitement provided by the team, there was one thing that was a bigger deal: The Twister.

The Twister was a gentleman of, ::ahem:: generous proportions who sat somewhere in the stands. At some point during the game, they would play “The Twist” over the loudspeaker, and the Twister would leap to his feet and start doing the twist.

The Twister

I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I’m telling you, when I was a kid, this was probably the most famous guy in Fort Wayne (thinner than I remembered, by the way…maybe this was a more recent picture). When the song started up, the entire arena would freeze and begin frantically searching for the Twister. Spot lights would come on, people would be pointing. He had an official Komet’s jersey with the name “Twister” written across the back. You might go to the bathroom during the game, but as soon as you heard, “Come on baby!” rip out over the loudspeaker, you dropped what you were doing and ran in to see him.

You wouldn’t think it would be such a big deal. I couldn’t tell you why it was. Even now I’m scratching my head a little bit over it. The guy just liked doing the twist. He always had a big grin plastered all over his face. You might think that people were just mocking the fat guy doing the twist. Maybe they were at first, but I’m telling you, the guy was beloved. You could be famous just by association to the Twister, like, “The Twister is my neighbor!” “No waaaay, dude!”

I don’t know what his real name was, or if he’s still around. From some searches I did, it sounds like he’s still out there, twisting the good fight. Obviously, only the people from Fort Wayne are going to understand how awesome the Twister was. But all I can tell you is, look at the other people in the crowd. Look how happy they are. Look at how happy the Twister is. Think about how much joy the Twister has spread in his days. What have you done to make the world a better place?