By the power of Greyskull...
In other look-alike news, my brother-in-law pointed out another eerie similarity…
I HAVE THE POWER
Fun Stuff
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Sara and I were looking for something to do after the kids went to bed. We had suspended our Netflix account for a couple of months, so we decided to reactivate it, thinking we could stream a movie. However, after many tries on different browsers, we discovered that it apparently it takes a little time for things to work through the system, and we weren’t going to be able to stream a movie. It was a little disappointing, because at that point I really had my mind set on a movie. There was nothing on the Tivo, and nothing on tv. There was really only one option left to us:
If you recall, I was pretty excited about this movie. First off, the title is Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. So you have my attention right off the bat. Second off, it stars the Renegade himself, Mr. Lorenzo Lamas. Finally, the preview featured a shark eating an airplane, as well as the golden gate bridge. Basically, how could you lose?
Well, apparently you CAN lose. You will be very surprised to hear that MS vs. GO was, in fact, not a very good movie.
When I think of this movie, two movies come to mind: Snakes on a Plane, due to the title and pre-release hype similarities, and Biker Zombies from Detroit, due to the extremely low budget, plot and acting. Strangely, MS vs. GO was sort of the worst of both worlds.
They just forgot that they weren’t supposed to take themselves too seriously. Instead of being campy and intentionally over the top, it was like they were trying to make a real movie, and failing miserably. Say what you want about Snakes on a Plane, but that title made some promises, and the movie delivered. MS vs. GO’s best scenes were in the trailer. The two giant animals only really fight twice, and they must have been low on budget, because the animation was the same, up to and including the shark biting an arm off of the octopus. Let me repeat that, they animated a fight sequence, and then they played it back later as a different fight sequence (though they did have the decency to flip it, so it was a mirror image of the first fight sequence).
I know it seems silly to criticize a movie about a giant shark fighting a giant octopus, but if I’m sitting down to watch it, then I am willing to accept the premise that a giant shark and octopus could somehow be frozen, only to awaken and terrorize the world. So that part doesn’t bother me. However, there are so many little things that didn’t make sense, but so easily could have, that I feel like they weren’t even trying.
Why did the Navy fire above surface guns in a random direction, rather than even remotely aiming at the shark? Why did everybody on the Japanese submarine speak English? Why were schools of Hammerhead sharks and other tropical fish swimming around in the arctic? How did a sub leaving from Tokyo meet up with a sub leaving from San Francisco in like 20 minutes? Why would a submarine full of Navy crewmen just let the scientist take over as the pilot? (Although, in his defense, the guy in charge did say, “You got this?” so I guess that’s standard procedure.) Why did torpedoes and missiles somehow not affect the animals in any way, leaving them completely unharmed? Was I supposed to believe the ridiculous colored-test-tube-montages were supposed to be “science”? Did you really think anybody was going to buy the ridiculous love story??
Now, in all fairness, this probably would have been more fun with a different crowd (I’d venture to say Sara wasn’t that into it). But it just felt like a big disappointment; lots of promise but it failed to deliver. Even for a low budget movie, it had terrible writing (and believe me, I’ve seen a bazillion of these movies, even low budget movies can do better). Even after watching the entire movie, I still don’t even know how the animals were released in the first place. Was it global warming? Was it related to the illegal sonic transmitter thing that the helicopter dropped, but seemed to never come up again?
WHAT WAS WITH THE CONSTANT BLINDING-FLASH SCENE CHANGES? It was like they were testing the audience to find out who had epilepsy!
::sigh::
Well, needless to say, I won’t be rushing out to see the sequel, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus. Wait a tick, what’s that? The sequel stars Jaleel White, a.k.a Steve Urkel? Damn you Mega Shark franchise! You’ve done it again!!
The Mariner’s Revenge Song
“The Mariner’s Revenge Song” by The Decemberists
If that’s not the most awesome song you’ve ever heard, I don’t know what to tell you. This is the first Decemberists song I’ve ever actually heard, though I’ve heard of them before. It’s got everything: chilling lyrics and vocals, a steady accordion beat, and though it doesn’t feature pirates per say, it involves mariners swallowed by a whale.
The lyrics are reproduced below:
We are two mariners
Our ships’ sole survivors
In this belly of a whaleIts ribs our ceiling beams
Its guts our carpeting
I guess we have some time to killYou may not remember me
I was a child of three
And you, a lad of eighteenBut I remember you
And I will relate to you
How our histories interweaveAt the time you were a rake and a roustabout
Spending all your money on the whores and hounds
Ohhhhh OhYou had a charming air
All cheap and debonair
My widowed mother found so sweetAnd so she took you in
Her sheets still warm with him
Now filled with filth and foul diseaseAs time wore on you proved a debt-ridden drunken mess
Leaving my mother a poor consumptive wretch
Ohhhhh OhAnd then you disappeared
Your gambling arrears
The only thing you left behindAnd then the magistrate
Reclaimed our small estate
And my poor mother lost her mindThen one day, in spring my dear sweet mother died
But before she did I took her hand as she, dying, cried:
Ohhhhh Oh“Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling
Of his grave”It took me fifteen years
To swallow all my tears
Among the urchins in the streetUntil a priory
Took pity and hired me
To keep their vestry nice and neatBut never once in the employ of these holy men
Did I ever, once, turn my mind from the thought of revenge
Ohhhhh OhOne night I overheard
The prior exchanging words
With a penitent whaler from the seaThe captain of his ship
Who matched you toe to tip
Was known for a wanton crueltyThe following day I shipped to sea with a privateer
And in the whistle of the wind I could almost hear…
Ohhhhh Oh“Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling
Of his grave“There is one thing I must say to you
As you sail across the sea
Always, your mother will watch over you
As you avenge this wicked deed”And then that fateful night
We had you in our sight
After twenty months at seaYour starboard flank abeam
I was getting my muskets clean
When came this rumbling from beneathThe ocean shook the sky went black and the captain quailed
And before us grew the angry jaws of a giant whaleoh ohhhhhhhhhh
[screaming]
ohhhhh
[screaming]Don’t know how I survived
The crew all was chewed alive
I must have slipped between his teethBut, oh! What providence!
What divine intelligence!
That you should survive as well as meIt gives my heart great joy to see your eyes fill with fear
So lean in close and I will whisper the last words you’ll hear
Ohhhhh Ohh
Harry Baals Memorial Building looking like a long shot
Well folks, it looks like it’s not going to happen.
Fort Wayne’s new government center is NOT going to be named after one of the most prominent, important, and longest-tenured government officials the city has ever known. I’m speaking, of course, of 4 term mayor Harry Baals.
First off, don’t open your Internet poll to write-ins if you don’t intend to honor the winner. The Harry Baals Government Center has more than 3 times as many votes as its nearest competitor. And it’s not like people were writing in Superman or something, Harry Baals is a legitimate, historical, government figure in Fort Wayne. I think the city should have to honor the poll. The man died in office, can’t you give him one building?
City officials said the name is embarrassing, and they “probably” won’t use it. So you’re saying there’s a chance!
I like how it mentions his descendants changed the pronunciation of the name from “Balls” to “Bales”. They all got together and decided, “We must make sure nobody can ever name their kid Harry Baals again!”
Link via Nate “Bacon” Halbach.
Even Jimmy Kimmel weighed in on this important issue:
Google Street View
At this point, everybody knows there is weird stuff to find in Google street view. Statistically speaking, if you photograph enough of the world, you’re going to see some interesting things. I’ve even blogged about it before. However, seeing the weird and interesting things that the Google camera captured doesn’t seem to get old. So here’s a nice gallery of some of the interesting things found. It’s called 9 eyes in reference to the disco-globe camera that Google uses to take the pictures. (Note, the pictures are from tumblr, so the links will expire. Enjoy them while you can! Otherwise you can just go directly to 9 eyes and scroll down.)
Pictures of wildlife, prostitutes, and people with guns are always popular. There are also some nice ones of an abandoned baby, an active house fire (notice the neighbors just running outside), the aftermath of an accident (is that a body on the ground?), and a car fire. I love how the Google van just keeps going when he sees some of this stuff. He’s like, “Hey, not my job!” The Google camera van operator must have a story or two to tell. I wonder sometimes if the Google van itself actually caused any accidents? As a side note, some of these are obviously fakes. There is no road through the middle of the viewing tank at Sea World. So if some of them are fakes, can we believe any of them?
Shane Halbach 