Overheard in a restaurant: “Well, what kind of shredded beef is it? Is it beef, or is it pork?”

Evie: “I said royal milk please, servants!”

Ask Oliver to tell you a secret. He’ll have you lean in close so he can whisper, “secret” in your ear.

::Evie, doing an “I’ve got a secret” dance::
Evie: “I have a secret, doo doo doo!”
Me: “What is it?”
Evie: “I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you!”
::Evie jumps around, pulls up her dress and moons me::

Evie: “What’s that planet that Spanish comes from?”

::sobbing from Evie’s bedroom in the night::
Me: “What’s wrong, honey?”
Evie: “I have corn in my pants and I want you to get it out!”
Me: “How did you get corn in your pajamas?”
Evie: “Not these pants!”

It took me a long time to figure out exactly what was going on here. It turned out she had stuck three enormous handfuls of corn kernels in her pants pockets during the day (from a school project, not from dinner), and wanted me to get it before they went through the wash!

Evie: “Can you zip my coat up?”
Me: “No, you’re old enough to do it yourself.”
::Evie snatches a sweater out of my hands::
Evie: “But my hands are full!”

Evie: “I’m in jail!”
Me: “Oh no! What crime did you commit?”
Evie: “Well, they thought I ate a man. But it was really someone else.”

Me: “I keep thinking the house smells, and then I remember it’s probably just me.”

Me: “I do not give naked piggy back rides!”

Oliver couldn’t reach the crayons that were on top of the microwave, so he ran and got the stool. He still couldn’t reach it, so he ran and got one piece of paper, put that on top of the stool, then stood on it and tried to reach again. Surprisingly, he still couldn’t reach.

Me: “You know, they have French dressing too.”
Evie, laughing: “French dressing?? I could believe Italian dressing, but French dressing? No, you’re going to have to prove it to me.”

::Sara and I cruelly forcing Evie to sit on the potty::
Evie: “My pee pees and poo poos are not coming. I think this is not their flight!”

Evie: “Grandma, I am getting tired of following after you putting down the toilet seat!”

Evie: “You mean I should tell you when I want [Oliver] to get off instead of hitting him?” – She was mystified by this. What a unique idea!

Sara: “I don’t know why I’m so tired all of a sudden.”
Evie: “Yes you do! It’s that time of day when all adults suddenly get tired.”

::Evie pretending to tuck Oliver in::
Evie: “If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to cut off your chin.”

Evie: “If a person eats poison, can you get the poison by touching them?”
Sara: “No.”
Evie: “I’m just asking because I was thinking about if you gave me a poison apple in my sleep.”

No wonder the children in our house have sleep troubles!