From the Mouths of Babes

Quote Monday shoulda asked Santa for hair

/ Shane / Leave a comment

::I had been complaining about how badly I needed a haircut::
Evie: “Daddy, you must be so happy! You finally have hair!”

Sara: “Well, maybe daddy can braid it today.”
Me: “Whoa, hold on a minute now!”
Evie: “Daddy, it’s probably been a long time since you lost your hair, so you might have forgotten how.”

Evie: “I’m so excited about Christmas I could pee my pants” – this was from before Christmas obviously

Evie: “I can’t believe Uncle Nathan is going to be the President!”
Me: “Huh? I don’t think he’s going to be the President honey.”
Evie: “But he works in the government…”

Evie: “It’s dangerous to say I wish I was someone else right now, because everyone else has pinkeye.”

Quote Monday does not respect the elderly

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evie: “Put the candles on the cake!”
Sara: “She’s 59. I can’t put that many candles on the cake, it would be like lighting the whole cake on fire.”

Evie, to Grandma Kathy: “Someday you’ll be old and then you’ll just want to sit around too.” – this was in reference to Ron

Evie: “Grandma, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean that, but mommy said to say it.”

Evie: “I’ve got candy.”
Grandpa: “Are you supposed to have that?”
Evie: “My mommy’s raising me, not you.”

Quote Monday prepares for Christmas

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evie: “After mose and geez, it’s always us.”
Me: “…?”
Evie: “Moses, Jesus…”

Me: “We have to go to [a local church], because someone very special is going to be in the Christmas play.”
Evie: “Jesus??”

We’ve been listening to a lot of Christmas music on the radio lately. I’m not sure Evie entirely understands how the radio works.

Sara: “Uh oh, we left your radio on all night!”
Evie: “Well, not all night.”
Sara: “Yeah, all night.”
Evie: “But, didn’t they go home for the night?”

Evie: “Don’t the people at the radio station get tired when they’re singing all those songs?”
Me: “No, they record it once and play it many times.”
Evie: “Yeah, but don’t their throats get sore? From all the singing?”

The Dangers of Book Learnin’

/ Shane / Leave a comment

Evie has always been into reading books. The trouble with learning the English language from a book, is that you learn to phrase things in ways that people just don’t say. I have noticed Evie doing this quite a few times. For example, the other day Evie walked in and said:

“Something is queer in this room.”

Meaning strange of course. I wish I had more examples, she does this all the time. Anachronistic little turns of phrase that she picked up from a Little House book, an old fairy tale, etc. This is especially worrisome because we just finished reading Pollyanna.

Pollyanna seems to be some kind of endurance test to see how many synonyms for the word “said” can be used in a single piece of literature. Nobody ever says anything; they always exclaim or sigh, retort or rejoin.

“You are the most extraordinary girl!” ejaculated Aunt Polly.

Ejaculated? Seriously??

Yes, seriously. At least a dozen times, someone ejaculates in that book. So far I haven’t heard Evie use that one in conversation, but I’ve been holding my breath a while now.

Quote Monday stops to breathe

/ Shane / Leave a comment

::Ollie, gobbling bacon so fast he throws up::
Evie, witnessing this: “That reminds me! I haven’t had any bacon yet!”

::Evie sucking her belly in::
Evie: “Innie!”
::Evie pushing her belly out::
Evie: “Outie!”
Evie, continuing: “Innie! Outie! Innie! Outie!”
Evie: “I can’t stick my belly out any more without going poo poo in my pants!”

Me: “We’re going to…”
Evie: “Daddy! Daddy! Pretend I’m your cat! What are we going to do?”
Me: “Well, first we’re going…”
Evie: “Daddy, you know what?”
Me: “Evie, I’m trying to…”
Evie: “Daddy, what were you going to say?”
Me: “Well, sometimes you have to listen instead of…”
Evie: “Tomorrow we’re going to Never Land!”
Me: “…”
Evie: “Daddy, what were you going to say that we were going to do?”
Me: “Evie, I’m trying to tell you, but you keep interrupt…”
Evie:  “I’m sorry. You can finish your sentence now.”
Me: “Okay, but sometimes you need to stop talking so you can hear…”
Evie: “Daddy, can we have lunch now?”

How old does your kid have to be before she stops talking? Because it’s been about 2 years now, and she hasn’t taken a breath yet!!