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I’ve been browsing through the personals, and I’ve noticed a few things:
- These guys are definitely Sea Captains. Look at them!
- Sea Captains sure love beards.
- Sea Captains’ personal ads are about as creepy as regular people’s personal ads.
- Where are all the pirates? I thought this site would be crawling with them. Is there a separate pirate captain dating site I should know about??
I guess pirates don’t really “date” so much as “carry off wenches”, but still, color me disappointed.
Once upon a time (in 1991), a fantastic movie by the name of Hook was released, and changed the world of film forever.
Okay, not really, but I liked it nonetheless.
The story line was fairly unique, as far as I know: after Wendy left Neverland, Peter followed her as well, grew up, and became a dad, and a lawyer. Years later, Hook finds him and steals his kids, forcing Peter back to Neverland, and back to the life he left behind and forgot about. Finally, he reconciles his two identities: Peter as the never-growing-up-carefree-leader of the Lost Boys, and Peter as a responsible adult in the real world.
Robin Williams was alright in the main role, but for me the star of the show was Dustin Hoffman (I guess you could argue that Dustin Hoffman had the main role, since the name of the movie is “Hook” not “Pan”). Bob Hoskins and Julia Roberts are no slouches themselves. And I can guarantee you, nobody has ever seen Dante Basco in *anything* without shouting, ”Bangarang Rufio!”
The whole world of the Lost Boys captured my young imagination. An awesome tree house, an adventure every day, whatever they could ever want to eat, they could fly for christsake, and a cool nickname to boot (well, most of them were cool at least). Plus, they continually out-thought and out-fought the adult pirates. Kid power all the way!
The characters were multi-dimensional too. Coming to terms with growing up. Jealousy issues. Parental issues. And Hook is just a flat out mess. It’s one thing to be a kid forever, but what about being trapped as an old man forever? And an old man who has to suffer defeat at the hands of a bunch of kids over and over for all eternity no less! Heaven for the Lost Boys, but hell for Hook. I was kind of glad that he stole Pan’s kids and tried to turn them pirate: at least the evil old bastard finally had a plan that was relatively successful! (Excuse me for being on the side of the pirates here)
I watched this movie about a million times when it came out. I haven’t seen it recently, but word on the street is, it holds up. I’m sure I would enjoy it through sheer nostalgia factor alone.
Any specific Hook memories?
After the wedding was over, we took off on our “familymoon”. Rather than take a honeymoon, the newlyweds opted to take their entire family on vacation with them. This worked out really well, because each set of kids had never really met the other, so this provided us a chance to get to know each other.
The kids were surprisingly good on the way up. It was a long drive, but it was no problem. They slept, played, ate, and didn’t scream too much. What more could you ask for?
Now obviously the thing about Mackinac Island is that there are no cars allowed. This means you spend a lot of time riding your bike. Before we left, Sara ran into someone at the park who happened to have one of those bike trailers that you attach to your bike to pull your kids. They let us borrow it, which was totally awesome, because we don’t really know them, and the trailers cost $40 a day to rent on the island!
So we did a lot of bike riding around the island. I calculated that pulled that trailer around for about 23 miles. When you’re riding on a flat path, such as around the outside of the island, you don’t notice it much. But when you’re going up an enormous hill, such as anywhere other than around the outside of the island, it feels like you are towing a giant anchor.
It was fun getting to know everybody. In particular, Evie just absolutely loved her new friend Makenna. Evie always has fun hanging out with slightly older girls. Makenna, on the other hand, just absolutely loved her new friend Oliver. This set up a sort of a rivalry between the two of them. All of a sudden, Evie was very keen that Oliver understand he was HER sister. This worked out semi-well for Oliver. Suddenly everybody wanted to share their food with him, take him for walks, etc. On the other hand, they also wanted to pick him up by the neck and smother him to death.
We did about everything we possibly could have done in the 4 days we were there. We hit up Fort Mackinac, the ORIGINAL butterfly house (twice actually), took a horse-drawn carriage tour, and toured the Governor’s mansion. The Governor’s mansion was free, but sort of lame. You only go through about 3 rooms, and you don’t really see much. We went early and there was no line, but by the time we left the line was pretty long. It probably wouldn’t have been worth waiting in the line. Evie worked really, really hard to sit still and get a butterfly to land on her at the butterfly house, and it paid off. We went to a free museum run by city residents (the name escapes me) which was actually kind of cool. The lady there lived on the island all her life and she was happy to talk about the history of the island. The place was pretty empty, but I would recommend that one.
One of the things that I thought worked really well was that everybody came together to eat dinner every night. This was one of my favorite parts of the day, and really the only time we were all together. I think that if we didn’t plan that out ahead of time, probably we never would have all gotten together as a group.
The food overall was sort of meh. It was expensive, but only average. I would say the best place by far was the Yankee Rebel; I think I had the best pot roast of my life. Oliver tried his first ice cream cone, and, needless to say, he liked it. I mean, first off, he likes all food. Second off, it’s ice cream!
We also took a ghost tour, and I have to say, this was one of my favorite parts of the trip. In general I like that sort of thing, but it was fun to go with family and everything. It wasn’t really scary, per say, but it was a lot of fun. Especially since some of the best ghosts were centered on the place where we were staying, or places we have stayed before.
This time, we were staying at Mission Point Resort. While our room was sort of perfect (bedroom on one side and sitting room on the other, which meant that we had a separate place to go and play cards after the kids were in bed), I wouldn’t recommend staying there. In addition to some customer service issues that we had, it is also really far away from downtown. I felt like we spent a lot of time walking back and forth to the hotel. Several times I thought, “Oh man, I forgot my jacket! Oh well, it’s too far to go back.”
Obviously we had to get fudge since we were at the fudge capitol of the world. I have to say, the fudge was sort of a letdown! Perhaps my tastes are changing as I get older, or maybe we didn’t go to the right fudge shop (there are only 1,000 to choose from), but I think I like the fudge that Sara makes better than what we bought. It was more sweet than flavorful (specifically the chocolate wasn’t all that chocolate-y), and it was creamier in the center than I like. Don’t get me wrong though, we polished off that fudge no problem!
I always like to play the “high/low” game with Evie, where I ask her what her favorite and least favorite parts of the day/trip/what-have-you were. One day I asked her about this, and she told me her “worst favorite” part of the day was, “when daddy called the pirates soldiers” and her “best favorite” part was, “the pirates”. It took me a while to figure out what she was talking about, but then I eventually figured out that there were some animatronic soldiers at Fort Mackinac, and she apparently thought they were pirates. (In her defense, they were dressed sort of fancy, like pirates, and also it would have been a lot cooler if they were pirates.) This stuck with her so much, that she said me calling the pirates soldiers was her “worst favorite” part of the trip!
Of course, Evie being Evie, her other favorite part of the trip was seeing Skull Cave (too bad they don’t have any guillotines on the island). Her sitting next to the sign was the picture she wanted to take to school and show everybody when we got back. Apparently she even told them the whole story about the guy hiding in there and finding all the bones. Ah, kids will be kids!
So, all in all, this was a great trip and we had a really good time. I wish we could have spent even longer on the island (and we even stayed one day longer than we intended to!). To all my “new siblings” (should any of you read this now that we are Facebook friends), you’re a really nice bunch of people and we enjoyed getting to know you. Evie is already making plans to fly to Colorado for a play date.
One thing I should mention is that we really missed having Nathan on the island with us. I’m sure he was bummed about not being able to go, but we definitely felt your absence bro. You would have really completed the trip.
Avast ye hearty mateys! Talk like a Pirate day be upon us again! May your rum be strong, your wenches be scurvy-free, and your enemies be caught down wind!
Since high school I have had a vision of the ultimate pirate performance piece / urban prank. Imagine, if you will:
You’re sitting at a stop light, minding your own business. Suddenly a pickup truck pulls up next to you at the light. In the back of the pickup truck is an entire crew of pirates, minding their own business, acting for all the world like they belong there. You get a chuckle out of seeing an unexpected crew of pirates, maybe people start pointing.
Then it turns ugly.
A second pirate crew pulls up in a different pickup truck, flying a different pirate flag. Soon, a fight breaks out, complete with swashbuckling, boarding planks, and choreographed sword duels. Eventually everything is settled and the two trucks drive away as if this were the most normal thing in the world.
The closest I ever came to this was dressing up as a pirate and driving around with another pirate and a Jolly Roger in the back window. No sword fights though. No swashbuckling.
So, I think it’s time for the real deal. Who’s with me?
As I mentioned in my previous post on the subject, I am endlessly fascinated by some of the things that people google which result in them landing on my blog. So here are some of the highlights. These are broken down into a few categories of amusement, 1) what the heck was that person searching for, 2) how did that search land on my blog, 3) I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!
What the heck was that person searching for?
- ‘tactical mayonnaise’ – Lunch tactics? Or war tactics?
- ‘resplendent start with the dead’ – I don’t know what that means, but I’ve had that one no less than 4 times!
- ‘pull out fingernails’ – Yeesh. No thank you!
- ‘human zombie cat’ – Yeesh! NO THANK YOU! Stitch together your sick creations on someone else’s blog thank-you-very-much. I have enough trouble with a living, non-human-hybrid cat.
- ‘jelly fish hunting fighting boats’ – What could that even mean? It conjures images of sea battles with giant mutant jelly fish.
How did that search land on my blog?
These are usually things that I don’t believe I’ve ever talked about, but I do in fact agree with or support. So it’s like Google detected that these people think like me and led them to my blog, despite me never mentioning anything of the sort.
- ‘are “two question” marks aggressive’ – I don’t know how they found me, but for any future searches on this topic: Yes. Yes they are.
- ‘awesome cat’ – Okay, I had a couple of hits on this one, but I’m not sure how those found me. I have the opposite. But I did get a hit on ‘nusiance cats’, so that one I understand.
- ‘what do zombie pirates say?’ – I really don’t know. But I kind of feel like, if anybody should know, I should know, right?
- ‘where there be pirates’ – Was this a search by an actual pirate?!
- ‘i grit my teeth when i pet my cat’ – My favorite, hands down. It describes my position exactly. I don’t think I ever said that on my blog though, so how did they end up here?
I don’t know why someone was searching for that, but amazingly, I have a blog post for them!
- ‘big headed chiquita bananas’ – Lead to this post, in which I mention the chiquita banana lady, but not the size of her head.
- ‘bacon evie’ – Now those are good search terms for finding me! I get a lot of ‘erith1 is this thing on?’ searches, but those are more obvious. What if ‘bacon evie’ was looking for someone else?
- ‘litter box in bathroom curtain AND cat peed on curtains why’ – I soo feel for the desperation of the person searching for this. Now, my cat didn’t pee on my curtains, but my story did involve both cat pee and a curtain. So I wasn’t too far off.
- ‘picklerita’ – Wow, I actually had a good post for them! There can’t be that many picklerita posts out there.
- ‘she toot on me’ – ::sigh:: but I did get a ‘toot hole’ search, so maybe the phrase is catching on!
Not really my type of music but, for what’s it worth, I seem to remember that my friend 85 liked Voltaire. I think they have a violinist. Anyway, the music seems appropriate to a zombie pirate party. I can buy the people in the picture as zombies, but they don’t look particularly pirate-y.
Yar, it be talk like a pirate day, ye scurvy dog! In honor of the day, here be a most excellent presentation weighing the merits of pirates versus their most deadly enemies: ninjas.
I just have a lot of random miscellany to update on, so here you go, in no particular order:
Some Norwegians came to visit. Meg, I really appreciate the effort you put into keeping in touch with me. I can’t count the number of friends that I’ve regrettably lost contact with since college. And giving me bacon / cheese popcorn doesn’t hurt either (although it wasn’t all that bacony, mostly just tasted like cheese popcorn).
Evie finally learned how to jump on Friday. She’s a little behind schedule on that one, so I was working on it with her. I’d like to think that my excellent advice to “put your feet together, bend your knees, and push with your toes” are what put her over the top. She’s going through a bit of a trying phase at the moment, so, after our initial giggling and hugging fit, the fact that we wanted her to jump again pretty much guaranteed she wouldn’t. She did jump some more on Sunday though.
Everyone was sick, back to back. It took each of us about 4 days to shake it, so we had a rough patch for about 12 days.
American History X, good movie! Really good! Has anyone seen it? Oh yeah, Sara and I were the last people on earth who hadn’t.
We finally checked out the Harry Potter exhibit at the MSI. It was pretty cool, and well done, but not exactly what I expected. It’s pretty much a tour through a bunch of movie props. Since it was in the museum of SCIENCE and INDUSTRY, I kind of thought it would be like explaining about the special effects, or like “real life invisibility” exhibits or something. Not just, “Here’s the clothes Ron wore in this scene…” Also, our scheduled time was before the museum opened, which was pretty confusing to begin with, but they had a lot of trouble getting people lined up for the right times and stuff. You’d think for the money they’re pulling down, they could have invested in a couple of signs or something. Still, it was fun. I can’t say if it was worth the price of admission or not, since it was free for us.
Football is officially underway, and what better way to start the season than to beat the Bears? And the best part? I get the double win in the morning when I get to ride to work and listen to Chicago sports talk radio rehash the game!
We had fun at the 57th Street Children’s Book Festival over the weekend. Every year that we go, Evie enjoys it a little bit more as she gets old enough to appreciate the events. We listened to a story teller, made a crown, dug for pirate treasure, attended a music class, watched a dance troupe, painted and glued a paper box, and danced to some music (including jumping on some bubble wrap). Side note, Sara said, “Jeeze, there sure are a lot of pirate themed things here.” When will people realize, it is not me who is obsessed with pirates, but rather all rational human beings who are obsessed with pirates when confronted with their awesomeness.
Finally, the other day I opened the back door to discover an enormous spider web over the opening, trapping us inside. Right in the middle of the web, directly at eye level, sat Lillith the spider queen, bigger’n a quarter. I quickly slammed the door shut before she could spray venom in my eyes. Now I ask you, what could that mean with the web directly across the door opening like that, other than this enormous spider was trying to catch humans? Finally I took it out with a broom, shrieking and cursing the whole time. The spider sat for a while on the porch, memorizing my face before slowly sauntering under a potted plant. I could have squished her with the broom (at least so I told myself…that was a big spider) but do I really need the wrath of all the spiders in the world for killing their queen? No sir, I do not. So I let her go and the next day she had spun her human trap over Evie’s chair on the porch. That’s right, I put a little fear into her and she decided to try for smaller prey. Me 1, spider queen 0.
Tonight for dinner, Evie had 11 pieces of bacon. Then afterwords, she took a bath and we played with pirates. Isn’t parenting grand?
P.S. This is published post 666, the post of the beast. I hesitated to put a post about my daughter as the 666th post, but if you count private posts, it’s not really 666. I’m sure satan will take things like private posts into account.
Well, in late breaking pirate news, there is currently a pirate festival going on (Aug. 3rd – 8th) in Grand Haven, Michigan. So if you live around there and you read this blog, you should probably go check that out.
As a side note, I’d just like to point out that the “pirate lord” of Lake Michigan is known as Count d’Booty. Really? Count d’Booty? I mean, I guess when he picked his pirate name he didn’t necessarily know he would grow up to hold the position of pirate lord, but still.
In other news, last night I ate cheese. Cheese with bacon inside of it!
Some friends came to visit over the weekend and, unfortunately, Evie wasn’t feeling very well. On Sunday, Evie woke up at 4:15 (Happy Father’s day!) and proceeded to have an absolute fit until maybe 6. It was a doozy and I was very embarrassed to have her behaving as such with company over. It’s one thing for us to wake up at 4:15, but quite another for the entire building to wake up then.
We soon realized she was sick with a cough, a runny nose and a slight fever. She’s pretty much always sick though, so we decided to proceed with our plans anyway. We hit up the Pirate Exhibit at the Field Museum…so maybe it was a successful Father’s Day after all! She had a good time at the museum, but on the way home she was clearly exhausted.
Sara had noticed that she had a rash on her hands and was a little suspicious, but later when Evie fell asleep and Sara took off her socks and shoes to get her into bed easier without waking her up, she confirmed her suspicions when she saw a rash on Evie’s feet. It was not surprising, therefore, when we noticed some sores on Evie’s tongue: she had hand, foot and mouth disease. I will save you from seeing some of the awful results that show up in an image search, but if you’re a glutton for punishment it is quite disgusting.
We confirmed with the doctor that there is really nothing we can do except ride out the virus. Our friends wisely ducked out once it became obvious that “irritability” and “tiredness” (which are more or less the same thing) were actual side effects, not just the idle threats.
So we had a couple of rough days, although she seems like she is on the mend now. She can’t bring her plague to daycare this week, so her grandparents are staying with her.
I feel really bad for her because she was probably as miserable as she has ever been in her short life. One of the things we did to help her feel better was allow her to watch a movie. Now keep in mind this is only the second time we’ve ever let her watch T.V. The first was an Elmo potty video. And you can tell she doesn’t see much T.V. because when the movie started and Tinkerbell came out and painted the Disney logo, Evie said, “That was great!” and jumped down from her seat and made to leave.
She enjoyed the movie, especially the songs, but she got bored before the end. One of the best parts for me is when she went over to our cat and said, ”Nala, I’m watching a movie about you. You’re big now.”
(Note to grandparents, this does not mean she’s allowed to watch T.V. whenever!:) )
Another funny thing that happened this weekend, obviously we were taking her temperature a lot due to her illness and, as usual, she replicates what she sees. Therefore there was a very awkward moment for both Sara and I independently when she pretended to take our temperature…let’s just say we don’t take her temperature orally.
In completely other news, the other night I had a dream that I was in Wisconsin and I got a fine for not having a moustache.
According to Reuters, the Pirate Party has actually won a seat on the European Parliament, via Sweden, including this no joke quote from the article:
The Pirate Party captured 7.1 percent of votes in Sweden
Pirates going legit? Gaining political power? What has this world come to?
As we all know, an important developmental step in the life of a child is deciding which side to come down on in the endless Pirates vs. Ninjas debate. The sooner this is settled the better, for example, if your child thinks that a ninja could beat a pirate, he potentially has some form of mental illness. Well, now we have a tool for helping your child make that decision earlier in life: the pirate vs. ninja mobile!
The full block list is as follows, and I think you will agree that it covers all the bases your future Evil Genius needs to know to help her grow.
|A - Appendages
B - Bioengineering
C - Caffeine
D - Dirigible
E - Experiment
F - Freeze ray
G - Goggles
H - Henchmen
I - Invention
|J - Jargon
K - Potassium
L - Laser
M - Maniacal
N - Nanotechnology
O - Organs
P - Peasants (with Pitchforks)
Q - Quantum physics
R - Robot
|S - Self-experimentation
T - Tentacles
U - Underground Lair
V - Virus
W - Wrench
X - X-Ray
Y - You, the Mad Scientist of Tomorrow
Z - Zombies
And if that isn’t enough of a learning experience for your little one, you can also get a nice plush pirate which will help teach skills like shoe tying, snaps, buttons, etc. I assume you can also practice eye patch application and sword buckling, so your little one will truely be prepared to face the day.
Here’s hoping Evie can be the first to cross mad genius and pirate!
(Pirate link courtesy Meg)
Yesterday Evie learned a very important word: Pirate! So, maybe it comes out like “Pie-rop”, but she can still say it when she points to a pirate (thanks Uncle Nate for the bath toys!) Too bad she didn’t get it out in time for Talk Like a Pirate Day.
You can also see the video of her saying “exercise” which I think is an impressive word for a not quite 14 month old.
There is also another video of her in her favorite new shirt. This was the first time she’s worn it, but every time we open her closet she says, “Cat! Cat!” and points to it. She was very proud to wear it all day and kept showing it off to everybody.
So, in case you missed all the unintentional humor on the previous post, I will now spell it out in excruciating detail. So I had two unrelated topics to talk about, Pickle Pops and the fact that if I were a disease, I would be Rickets. Naturally, I made a nice title that tied the two together, and perhaps a long the way might have implied that Pickle Pops may be linked to a certain horrible disease. Now you’d think I would have learned my lesson with the last brush with the magic that is Google Alerts, but apparently not. I certainly never expected someone from the company to find my blog.
Let me set the scene for you. It’s Monday morning, a man comes into work all bright eyed and bushy tailed. He sits down at his computer. “Aw great!” he says. “Another blog talking about this awesome product we’re selling! We’re really starting to take off!” He then looks at the title of the post mentioning his product. “Do Pickle Pops cause Rickets?” His smile slowly fades off his face as he blindly gropes for his antacids with one hand and his lawyer’s phone number with the other.
I mean, I don’t know if that’s how it happened or not, but just the thought caused several fits of hysterical laughter throughout the day. Oh man, even now I’m laughing! Too funny. I changed the title of the post even though he was a good sport about it. I mean, even without the title, I didn’t exactly give a glowing review there. I mean, I can’t conclusively say Pickle Pops do NOT cause Rickets, can I?
Along those lines, I decided to go on over to Bob’s Pickle Pops and order a case to give them a fair shake. I mean, I shouldn’t really dis them without a fair trial. And I love pickles, I’ve been known to eat a jar in a sitting, so if I’m not their target audience, who is? However, before you get excited, I have to say I will not be putting my money were my mouth is after all. Sara convinced me not to buy them as even the thought of them sends shivers down her spine. Unlike me, Sara hates pickles. How much does she hate pickles? Well, legend has it that when Sara was little her parents asked her what she should name her little sister when she was born. Sara, having no desire for a sibling, said “Pickle” on account of how much she hated pickles. So anyway, no pickle pops will be coming my way (despite their reasonable price). So if anybody has tried them, please let me know as my curiosity has now been greatly peaked. And, at the same time, if I could manage to get my hands on some Synsepalum dulcificum…
Finally, in completely unrelated news, we have not had any updates on a subject near and dear to my heart; Pirates! Well, just because I haven’t been talking about them doesn’t mean they haven’t been busy. 4 tourists taken hostage, although what they were doing in pirate waters in their yacht to begin with is beyond me. They are just lucky they were taking hostage and not forced to walk the plank immediately!
Yar, it be September 19th, I suggest ye navigate over to talklikeapirate.com or else walk the plank!
Robert Jordan, author of the *extremely* long winded Wheel of Time series died last weekend without finishing the last book in the series! This was a set of 11 enormous books, some in excess of 1000 pages, each one more boring than the last. All the time I invested in those books and now I have no closure! Plus I met the guy in person and he was a jerk.
Do yourself a favor and go listen to Chris Cornell covering Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. One place you can hear it is here. I like Michael Jackson, but I think Chris Cornell’s version is better!
Pirate story #1: Council bans boy, 6, from flying Jolly Roger at pirate party
Pirate story #2: The French are afraid of pirates (as they should be)
Pirate story #3: I didn’t know dogs and pirates were natural enemies
Pirate story #4: Pirate fort raided by local police
Pirate story #5: Pirate myths busted
Although I’m glad to see they posted a correction at the bottom saying Pirates did say “Arrrgh” and make people walk the plank!
As you may know, I have been accused of being obsessed with pirates. Well, the new Ben Folds video proves that I’m not the only one!
My favorite part is when he plays the piano with his hook.
On a completely unrelated note, you’ve enjoyed fantasy football, now how about fantasy congress?
Okay, well first off Sara and I changed our phone numbers, so if you don’t have my new one give me an email and I’ll give it to you.
Second off, I know I’m pretty late on this one, but Neil Patrick Harris came out last week. There must be a lot of upset ladies out there! I don’t know if you’re watching How I Met Your Mother or not, but the show is fantastic and NPH’s character Barney makes the show. If you don’t watch it you should really check it out.
So where to start? How about with this:
Tell me that is not a fantastic costume! I crack up every time I look at that. Even now I’m laughing! Oh man.
Now that the humor is out of the way, let’s get serious for a second…robots think people taste like bacon!!! This is the begining of the end for us folks. I like the comment below the article, “Well at least we don’t taste like chicken.” Sara pointed out that we’re too fat as a species to be anything so lean as chicken.
Speaking of eating the flesh of the living, it looks like I missed The Monroeville Mall World Record Attempt Zombie Walk in Pittsburgh. It’s billed as a world record attempt for “The Most People Participating in a Zombie Walk.” Basically you show up at the mall where they filmed the original Dawn of the Dead (one of my all time favs) in makeup and shuffle around for a few hours. Sara’s favorite part was the zombie food drive. “All zombies are urged to bring donations of non-perishable food items.” Like brains-in-a-can? Do zombies eat anything that is non-perishable? Also enjoyable is the advice to “Stay on the sidewalk unless crossing the street. When crossing, it’s OK to “break character” and cross quickly. Think fast “New Dawn of the Dead” zombies verses the slower “Old Dawn of the Dead” zombies when crossing the street.”
In other record-breaking zombie news, someone is attempting to break the world record for number of people reproducing the zombie dance from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. 150 in case you were wondering. I guess the previous record of 3 people at our wedding reception isn’t going to hold.
That is all.
This is required reading for all of you out there in Internet land.
Pirate Laws - The ancient laws of the pirate as written by Blackbeard himself
Some of my favorites:
23. A pirate does not “go shopping”. Unless by “shopping”, you mean “killing”.
25. Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy.
27. No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is “wrinkled”. A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood.
29. No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions.
And remember, #44, When swimming, pirates do not dive. They cannonball.